How Could I Have Known? (A Josh Ramsay Fan Fiction)

Part III

After I brushed my hair and picked up my wet clothes I still didn't understand the feelings I had for Josh or anything that has happened so far. We were just supposed to have a friendly dinner like we do every so often. Why was this so different?

When I walked back into the living room I heard him ask softly "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm sorry, I over reacted. I should have kept the door closed or locked..." I trailed off. He said something, but again I didn't hear it, maybe I'm going deaf. When I looked at him quizzically he repeated it. "Simoya, I-I...” He stuttered. "I think I love you."

I shifted my stance slightly backwards and he leaned forward to catch me as if I was about to fall. I felt like I would fall, okay we kissed but does that make someone love another? I have never heard of it that way. Could he have had these feelings before? No, I doubt it. There are so many other girls that have wanted him, why would he fall for me? "Simoya." My eyes flickered to his, and I walked over and hugged him. He was startled but accepted. Of all the questions that formed in my mind only one slipped out. "Why?" He chuckled, "I don't know, feelings just develop, I thought after I kissed you, you got the message." "Oh, huh, no I didn't apparently."

I didn't feel the same, I knew it, but I felt guilty. Of course I had a crush here and there for Josh and I have always loved him, not the way he loves me, but more of if God forbid I lost him in some way I would die. We dropped the hug ad I asked him if he was hungry. "I'm starved!" He sang. We both laughed, I'm glad it's not as awkward as I thought.

Back in the kitchen I started the pasta and sauce on the stove while Josh cut rounds out of a loaf of bread. I saw he was holding the knife dangerously close to his fingers so I told him to stop and let me do it. I began to cut the bread then I felt him behind me he entrapped my hands and went through the motions with me. I looked up at him quizzically and he kissed my lips. I pulled back. Our messages are completely mixed up. "I'm sorry." I whispered. He backed away. "Josh?" "I don't know what you are trying to say Simoya!" "Well I don't know how I feel yet." I said calmly.

He looked down. "You're right. I'm sorry." I brought his face back up and told him not to worry and that we would talk about it in a few minutes.

The food was ready and plates were set. We sat down and began to eat, he cracked a joke and we laughed, but he went silent right after. "What's wrong?" I asked. "Nothing, it's just that..I don't know what to think." He replied. "Think about the kiss?" The words rolled off my tongue. "Yeah. I thought that if I showed you I loved you. You would show me how you felt about me." "Oh." I put my fork down. "So you don't love me?" He questioned. "Of course I love you, Josh." He looked up. "But I don't understand what kind of love this is. I know I love you because you are my best friend, and if anything happened to you I wouldn't be able to live!" His eyes reflected the sadness he felt and we finished our meal in silence.