How Could I Have Known? (A Josh Ramsay Fan Fiction)

Part XXVI

Feeling the warm water run down my body and wash away the dirt, make up, tears and sweat was indescribable. I was finally able to take a real shower after everything that happened. It felt like the last piece to the puzzle; rinsing away most of the pain. I worked my fingers through the knots in my hair, using more shampoo and conditioner than I would usually need. I put a good effort into scrubbing all of my skin and I’m sure I took a good couple layers off. Finally I was clean.

I got dressed as quickly and as carefully as I could and combed my hair out; fighting with some knots. Slowly I stepped down the squeaky stairs to find Josh putting away the groceries that he brought home. “You didn’t have to go out and buy anything.” I said. “Well, look who we have here.” He said as he extended his arms to me in a hug and squished us together with his strength. I giggled, willing him to let me go a bit. I smiled up at him and he planted a kiss on my lips. “How’s about we have something to eat?” He proposed and began to lead me to the fridge. He bought some bread and lunch meat, then there was some juice and pop. Josh bought some milk and cereal as well. I still had some things left from before but I’m sure much of it was spoiled or going to be. I should go shopping soon.

“What would you like?” he asked as he rubbed my shoulder. I smiled at him, “Whatever you like.” I answered. “Mm, I want…you.” He said as he tickled me softly. I giggled, “No, you need to eat. I can make you something if you want.” “I don’t need you to make me anything, hon you need to eat as well. Do you want to go out?” Josh questioned. “Not if you don’t want to.” I answered. He smiled and shook his head, “You need to learn how to choose.” “I choose what you choose.” I smirked. “Uh huh, well then I want…” He paused for a long while looking around the kitchen with a ridiculous facial expression that I couldn’t help but giggle at. “What? Is my face funny?” he joked and puffed out his cheeks again. I shook my head ‘no’ but I was still chuckling. Josh crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out at me. His piercing glistened in the light and I couldn’t help but actually look at it. I really hadn’t seen it before, I mean I knew he has had it for a while but I never had the chance to take it in. Josh cleared his throat and I snapped myself back to reality. “Fantasizing, are we?” he asked as he raised his eyebrow suggestively and plastered a smirk on his face. “No.” I blushed as he leaned in close to me. “You know it is okay to think that way.” He whispered and closed his eyes.

My breath hitched as he lifted me up on the counter. Josh opened his eyes to stare right into mine and then slowly moved his lips down my jaw and to my neck. I couldn’t fight back. His large hands moved over my thighs as he pressed his tongue to the skin on my neck. My head fell back to give him more access, and he didn’t waste any time. He used his piercing to his advantage. Josh moved it over the sweet spot on my neck, and I let a sigh escape from my mouth. My heart was racing. I could hear it in my ears and I was afraid Josh would feel it and stop.

Another sigh escaped my lips and he pulled away with one last kiss to my skin and then my mouth. “What was that?” I asked breathlessly. Josh smiled and ran his hands up my legs to my hips and shrugged his shoulders. I grinned and shook my head. “Have you decided what you want to eat?” I asked him. He pressed his lips to mine and smiled against them. “Well, that wasn’t bad.” He said as he pulled away again. I blushed, he has never been this way before. Josh made me feel cute, it was so different blushing and giggling around him.

Finally, we settled for ordering pizza because neither of us felt like cooking or doing anything for that matter. I was starting to get shaky from not eating and the meds.  I slid off the counter as Josh picked up the phone and went to sit on the couch. As soon as I hit the cushion my mind raced and took me back to the night of the concert. I was thrown on the floor and tugged by my hair. He sat on my chest and held me down threatening me. I felt my hands being pulled away from me and my name being screamed. How did he know my name?! No this is not happening. Not again.

I opened my eyes to find Josh holding my wrists trying to calm me down. I couldn’t hear the words he was saying just his mouth moving and then him pulling me into a hug and stroking my hair. “Are you okay?” His words finally registered. I didn’t answer so he repeated his question. “Yes.” I whispered. “What happened? Are you in pain? When did you take your medicine last?” He questioned. “I’m fine, just…I just…” I stumbled on my words. All of a sudden I became really angry. Not with Josh, with myself and what happened. Tears streamed down my cheeks and hit Josh’s shirt, he pulled me away from him to look at my face. “Why are you upset, hun? Why are you crying?” he said sweetly. I looked at him and wiped away the remaining tears. “It’s because of what happened. I can’t stand it anymore. He is invading my mind. For the past couple days that’s all that I have thought of.” I began to cry again. “I can’t stop thinking about what happened, and now I’m having flashes of what he did and how he hurt me.” I paused. “I just want to forget the pain and everything he did to me.” My head fell to my hands and my whole being collapsed. “But I can’t.”

I felt strong arms wrap around me but my body couldn’t react. Josh’s head was against mine and he whispered. “Everything will fall into place. No matter what has happened it will make you tougher.” His voice became a bit louder. “I mean, look at me, sure I’m not the greatest example, but I am stronger. I have become a better person from when I was in high school and rehab and everything. Everything happens for a reason.” He paused and I looked up to him. “Everything is made to make you the best of person you can be. Every day you are put to the test to make you realize that you can handle what life throws at you. Every day you are stronger because you can do it, and when you think you can’t, when you doubt yourself even for a second, I will be there to remind you that everything is possible and that you will make it. You will, because you are the most beautiful person and you deserve it.”