How Could I Have Known? (A Josh Ramsay Fan Fiction)

Part VII

He set a pillow between us. The next thing I knew I drifted off into nightmares. Unbearable images haunted me. I needed to get up and walk around I tried slipping my hand out of the cuff with no success. Then I saw the glass of water on the nightstand next to Josh. I reached over but it was too far. I tried again and almost got it. I said to myself I would try one more time. I reached only to lose my balance knock the glass over and land over on Josh. He groaned loudly. "What the hell!?" "I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed. "I was just trying to get the glass of water and...” He covered my mouth with his free hand and I jerked back. Josh removed his hand from my mouth and looked down from my eyes to my neck then my chest. Something caught his eye and I was afraid to find out what it was. "Did you always have that necklace?" He whispered and looked back to my eyes. I looked down to confirm I was wearing my chain. I'm sure that's not all he was staring at, his shirt was so big on me, I could even see right down. "I'm sorry!" I said as I tried moving back over to my side. "You know I'm a klutz." He stopped me though by pulling on my necklace. "No wait I just want to see it." "You are not even looking at it!" I shout whispered. "Yes I am." He countered and he let it go. I tried fixing the shirt and moving off of him but he stopped me. "Please, Josh." But he wouldn't let me go. He pushed away the hair that was dangling in front of my face and pushed himself up on his elbows. We were no more than a centimeter away. He searched my face for something but I know he couldn't find it. He was looking for a reason not to start something with me. Something I knew he wanted and something I've thought about. Again I tried backing away but the stupid handcuff disabled me. Josh brought me back over him as he lied flat and kissed my lips. This kiss was different though. I felt more of a longing both from him and myself. Was this the love he felt? Again and again I felt the pressure of his lips and then something else. I guess I was dizzy from something because there was a new pressure. My chest and stomach took the brunt of it and when I opened my eyes I saw the ceiling. Now Josh was over me. When did this happen? Why was I letting him continue!? He moved down. Down my face, down my neck and on my shoulders. Just kissing me. Pressing his lips over my skin. 'Stop stop stop!' The voice in my head screamed. This is not right. But why does it feel right? He lifted himself back up to my face and just hovered over me. "Are you okay?" He questioned. "Yes." I said breathlessly. "Just tell me to stop." He said. I didn't say anything and I felt his hand search my body. His eyes gazed into mine and I felt a jerk at my shirt. Then another one and it kept creeping up. I knew what it was. He was unbuttoning it and I let him. Just one button at a time. From the bottom to the top. How was he doing this? How was he pulling me into this and I was just allowing him. Every kiss and button brought a new surprise, a new feeling. Ones I have wanted; and maybe this was right. We just sat stayed there breathing; we could hear each others. His hands were warm on my stomach and shoulders and the way he encased my lips with his made me want more. He made me want to go further. More kisses and touches. Breathing. Unbelievable. The fireworks and explosions. The floating. I couldn't ask for anything more. He lowered himself closer to my body and I was engulfed in warmth. One hand on my back and the other on my face. Mine were entangled in his hair pulling him down onto me. We couldn't get close enough, we couldn't kiss enough. I couldn't think straight. There wasn't much going through my head but every idea was jumbled. Why am I letting him do this? Does he think I love him? Do I love him? Well, yes. Or is it just the thought of him? I'll tell him to stop. Nope. I'll try again. No. One more kiss. Now is my chance. "Josh?" I said softly before he kissed me again. "Mm?" He responded and kissed me again. "What are we doing?" I asked quietly. "Nothing." He responded with a smile. I smiled back. "Do you really love me?" I bit my tongue, that's not what I wanted to say! "Of course I do. I love who you are, what you look like. Everything. Why?" "I don't know. How do you know you love me?" I asked. Josh thought a moment then answered. "When I see you my heart starts to race. And when we are together I can't help but wonder what goes on in your mind. I see the way you treat people and how careful you are with your actions. I find it fascinating when you tell me crazy stories about you or your family. I just can't help but notice all the little things you do and how you do them. And the way you are towards me is so...so natural for lack of a better word. I just want to be with you all the time." "Well, I guess these handcuffs are perfect." I joked as I held up our hands. He chuckled and started to kiss me. All of his words played in my head. When did I start to mean so much to him? Did I feel the same way? I loved so much about him; I was letting him kiss me. I was kissing him back. I guess I do. I love Josh. I think I'm in love with him too. Oh God, his kisses on my bare skin were so warm. He traveled down my neck again, but this time he went further down. Josh traced the lining of my bra with his fingers so gently and I let out a sigh. Again his mouth moved over mine in circles but with more force. Did he know what I was thinking?

He added more pressure to his touches.

What was his plan?

He ran his hands between my legs.

That's too much.

I gently broke our kiss.

Breathing heavily he asked if everything was okay. "Yes, but..." "Did I go to far?" He questioned. "A little." I said afraid he would get mad. "I'm sorry. We can stop now if you want." He suggested as he kissed my forehead. I nodded. It was late, about two in the morning and both of us were tired.

I removed the pillow that used to separate us and cuddled up to him. Josh covered us with the blanket and the last thing I remember was telling him I loved him.