Just in Time (A Tom Hiddleston Fan Fic)

Chapter 18: Kisses and Dishes

After breakfast, Toby and I drive to Venice Beach and wander through the shops, stopping at a bar to grab a beer and see if Toby could catch a game of soccer on TV. Once, a fan recognized Toby. He is gracious, signing an autograph and taking a selfie with the fan.

"Is this your girlfriend?" the fan asks.

"Not yet," Toby replies with a wink to me, taking my hand to resume our stroll. It feels good to be wanted, even desired. Though, I know it's not the feeling of butterflies that I'd have if I were with Tom in this situation.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm not supposed to have the love of my life. Perhaps I'm just supposed to find contentment, not passion. Though I have no doubt that making love with Toby would be some experience, I don't know that the physical passion I would feel would translate into emotional passion.

"Are you still with me, Sweetheart?" Toby asks.

"Of course," I say, putting on my brightest smile.

Toby plants a quick kiss on my lips, then we turn to make our way back toward the car.

Tom's POV

I knock on Ben's hotel door, and he opens it to allow me to enter.

"Holy hell, Tom. You look like shit," he says, following me toward the sofa. I don't know if it's the emotional roller coaster I've been on since this morning, or the bottle of Jameson that I tried to work my way through that's made me look so devastating that Ben felt the need to comment.

"Mind your own fucking business, Ben. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be in this mess!" I snap.

Ben looks genuinely offended at what I just said, and believe you me, it's pretty difficult to offend Ben.

I collapse on the sofa. "Christ, I'm sorry, Ben. I have no call to take this out on you." Ben shakes his head and takes the chair adjacent to the sofa. "So, I gather it didn't go too well? Because, if this is you happy at having won over the woman you love, I think you may need serious therapy," Ben says.

I lean forward and hold my head in my hands. "Tobias was there. They were leaving just as my taxi pulled up," I say between my fingers.

"Fucking bloody hell," Ben says under his breath. For Ben to mix curse words in such a manner, I know he understands the gravity of the situation.

"Maybe we're jumping to conclusions. I mean, maybe what you witnessed was Toby stopping by this morning, not him leaving after having spent the night," Ben says.

"Yeah, right. He was just bringing her coffee. Now pull the other leg, Ben," I say sarcastically.

We sit in silence for a few minutes. "Now what?" Ben asks.

"Now... I go on with my life."

"Just like that? You're going to let the woman you love...perhaps the only woman that you will ever love...slip through your fingers?"

I look at Ben, and I know I'm about to come undone.

"What am I supposed to do? Run to her? Rip her from another man's arms? Maybe Tobias is the love of her life. Did you ever think of that? No, no... I just can't do it, Ben. I've been selfish my whole life, no less so than since I've met Kenni. She doesn't deserve me ruining her happiness, and frankly, she does deserve someone better than me."

I stand and start pacing the room. I know if I don't, I'll start crying. Ben is a good friend, but he's not good with that level of emotion coming from one of his mates.