The Crossdresser

Chapter 17

Curious isn't everyone? What happened after Jamie's words? And what did she mean by them? We'll find out now.

Zack looks at my eyes for a minute. He's still considering things and I know he's holding himself back right now. He's always whenever we're beside each other or alone. I guess he failed that one time in Mark's room.

"My instincts," he tells me with his breath falling on my face, "are yelling at me to go for it. Once again they want me to satisfy myself. And Jamie is the one they want." His fingers trace my lips and he really is holding himself back right now. "All I want to know is are they right?"

I smile and he seems to want an answer from somebody. Anybody. "I can't tell you if you feel if something is right or wrong, Zack."

Then he's decided. First he kisses me very softly. His arm wraps around my waist and he pulls me closer. My hand goes to his neck and I keep myself from falling over into the dew covered grass. He helps me stay up too. I keep on kissing him and he's starting to really get into this. His hand goes up and down the side of my dress. He really wants to go far.

My hand slides up his neck and into his brown hair. It's messing up more than before. He stops kissing my mouth and starts slowly letting me down on to the ground, kissing my neck and making me feel pleasure. Then he goes right back up and lands another on my mouth. He goes back down. "Are you sure? This is cheating."

"Zack, you still have things to understand," I huff.

He doesn't say anything and just lets me fall into the grass. He lets his hand slide out from under me and it moves to my leg. He rubs up from my leg to my waist. "Jamie do you know what your doing?"

"Yeah."

He thinks I'm not getting the picture and decides to make me. He makes my hands go down to the ground where he pins them and my legs. "Do you really understand?" he asks with a close face.

My heart is taking off so fast that I feel like it's impossible for it to go at that speed. I smile. "I'm not stupid."

He takes that as an answer and just lets himself go. He kisses me, his hand slides up my waist all the way to behind my back where he starts unzipping my dress. My heart beats, feeling nervous. I press myself to him while my dress is slowly opening to reveal to him all of me. He stops kissing me to slide down my dress.

I feel a breeze and look at the stars. I sit up and Zack looks at me quickly so he won't offend me. "Are you sure?"

"I'm already this far," I mutter and sit up to his size, putting my arm around his neck, my head on his shoulder. My heavy breathing on his shoulder. He seems to be heavy. His aura is heavy.

He sighs and pulls my arms off him. "Sorry, Jamie. Cameron is someone I'm not gonna betray. He's your boyfriend so he will be the one to do this. I just can't help but desire you everytime I see you. I got carried away when I saw you in that dress. But I can't go up to Cameron and say 'Yeah. I've been with your girlfriend. You know? Screwing around.' That's too cruel."

While he talks I zip up my dress and slide away. I feel heavy and empty. Hurt. I get up and start walking away. He catches up with me. "What's wrong?"

"I'm the stupidest person in the world. It seems that nothing will go good either way."

"What do you mean, Jamie? Come on!"

He stops me. He grabs my shoudlers and stops me from moving. I look down at the dew covered grass. "I'm gonna be truthful a little now. I like you, Zack. But it seems you would hate me if I told you it now because you've been hurt so much. I can't break up with Cameron because . . . it would seem like I only like you for sexual reasons. Zack, I'm going home now and please don't talk to me til I talk to you. Don't come near me til I go near you."

"Why?!"

"Because. It seems my fake relationship is preventing many things."

"I know you like me for other reasons, Jamie! If you want to go out with me, then just break up with Cameron."

"It would hurt you because I can't lie to you if I'm dating you."

"What are you lying about? Tell me, Jamie!"

My eyes are all teary because I feel hrut about this complicated life. "No."

"Jamie!"

"I can't tell you. You'll hate me."

"I could never hate you."

"They always say that in those movies and then the girl says it and the guy gets mad and leaves her all alone to cry! No, Zack! No!"

Zack's teeth grit and he shakes me. "Jamie! Come on! Things will be less complicated! I promise you! Please tell me before I go insane from wonder!"

I have to do it.

There's nothing wrong with it. I will go to him and tell him eventually. But for now . . .

I slap him really hard across the face. He looks a little stunned in his eyes. "I told you to stay away from me til I can see you again! Zack!"

That gets him. Usually the guys does what she says, but he slaps me right back with the same power. I wince and hold my cheek. "Are you fuckin' stupid?! You tell me you like me, we were close to having sex, and now your telling to stay away form you? Jamie! What are you trying to accomplish!?"

"Nothing! I'm trying to accomplish nothing! I keep getting nothing! Zack, you can have any girl in school, so why choose me?!"

"You don't choose who you fall in love with, Jamie!"

I wipe my eyes.

"You don't choose, Jamie. It comes to you. Now please calm down and tell me now what is going on."

I hiccup and wipe my crying eyes. "No," I sob and he should know he's getting nothing out of me by now. He just sighs and makes me in a tight embrace. I begin sobbing on his jacket because I'm so freakin' frustrated with this all. I'm sick of this all. It's all so stupid.

Short chapter but it does show some things about Jamie. She likes Zack, but she has another reason why she's not dumping herself and I'll explain now:

She wants Zack to realize himself that she's Cameron. She wants him to know by himself so he won't get angry and plus she can't lie to the one she's dating (own personal rule) and she can't date him or she'll have to tell him and complicate everything.

 The song is Dear Mr. President by P!nk