As much as I hate to admit it, I actually miss Dean. Which isn't odd considering that we were a couple and all. But with what he did I never thought I would, all I had felt for him was nothing but hate. And betrayal, but also confusion. I mean how could he go behind my back and do something like that? I think what was making me miss him was the fact the he pretty much avoided me like I was the plague or something. Where ever I was he would be in a whole other area. And if we ever were in the same room together I might as well have been invisible. He wouldn't even glance in my direction at all. Needless to say it hurt, it hurt more than I had thought. The worst part though was everyone on board knew we were no longer together. Talya's attempts to flirt with him were enough for me to want to throw her off the ship in mid flight. She even went as far as inviting him into her cabin one night. He declined but I don't even know for sure if he actually went in when every one was asleep. I wouldn't put it past him, I mean he kept the report from me what else hasn't he told me?
"I knew this was going to happen. You guys weren't meant for each other I could just tell. I don't want to pour salt in your open wound by telling you this, but you know you guys weren't a good match. Now you and I Cande we were good together." I had decided to go and see Mark and instantly regretted it by how he was acting. Like the rest of the crew he knew about Dean and I, but unlike them he wasn't afraid to gloat about the whole ordeal. "Mark come on just shut up I've come to you once again because I need you to do something for me." "Yes my love?" I felt a shutter run down my spine at the mention of him calling me his love. That was just wrong and did not want that. "I need you to give me something to help me forget about Dean. I don't want to remember him at all, it's too distracting. I don't need something extra on my mind while we're on this mission, it's for the crews best interest. I, I just want to think I had nothing to do with him or find him attractive. So Mark will you help me, please?" Even though Mark had stated before that he was waiting for Dean and I to break up he didn't seem as happy anymore. Five seconds ago he was gloating about it, and now, now he just seem I guess sad for the lack of a better term. "Cande, that's horrible. Well I'm being a bit dramatic but he's messed you up so bad that you want me to wipe your mind of him. Give you a new slate so you can go on like he never meant anything to you? I know I was waiting for this day but even to me that is a big insult to the guy." "Mark just do it if you can! I know what i'm doing and I don't need you to all of a sudden be on team Dean." The more and more I talked about it the more I felt bad for even considering this. But in all reality it was for the best and the only thing I could do, besides turning off my emotions.
"You are doing the complete opposite of what I did to myself. I made myself hopelessly in love and you want to feel nothing of love towards him. I just want to make sure that you know when I make this for you it is going to be permanent. So if he ever comes to you down the road again and confesses his undying love for you. You're going to feel nothing at all for him. You're just going to reject the werewolf that claims you were his mate, they don't deal with that very well Cande. You're going to hurt him so bad, even talking about it makes me feel bad for the guy. I just need to make sure you know one hundred percent what you're about to do once you consume it." Mark added the finishing touches to what he was working on before looking up at me again. I sat there on the counter and thought. I would never have anything to do with Dean again, the guy who helped fight off the pods to protect my little sisters. The only one who actually stuck around without drugging themselves. He actually enjoyed spending time with Rachel and Taylor. He even went as far as introducing me to his family. Until about a week ago he was my heart, until now he was nothing. Just a co captain on a mission that was dangerous and that was all. "I know what it's going to do Mark and I'm glad it's going to do that. Like I said I want nothing to do with him at all. I just want to stop feeling like this." I looked down into my lap not wanting to let Mark see me. "I would tell you to turn your emotions off but the second you turned them back on your thoughts of Dean would come back and in full force. I hate him for making you feel like this. So here I just hope you really know what you're doing." He handed out a clear plastic bottle that contained a purple liquid. "Give it about two hours before it hits, but believe me it'll do it's job." As I went to grab the bottle Mark pulled me into a hug. Pervert! He's a pervert! Now he has hold of you what are his plans? Rape! Kick him in the balls and run!! Run like the wind! My voice could not be anymore wrong about his intentions. Sometimes a hug is just a hug and that's what this was.
I took my seat in my captain's chair not realizing that Dean was sitting by the navigation table. He was just a few steps away, this was the closest we had ever been since we separated. I could feel someone staring at me from the direction he was in but I refused to look. Don't look it's the gorgeous back stabbing go by the rules co captain. Don't look at him even though he's a sexy beast and has beautiful glowing blue eyes. And don't think about him shirtless because that would just be a mistake. Just focus on something else and drink your drink. Let's forget about him for good and move on. If you ever get desperate enough there's always Mark. "What's this?" Aiden asked picking up the bottle I had to my side. "It's pretty what is it? It looks like it has glitter or something in it." Again I could feel the eyes on me. "Oh it's, it's just a drink I need. It uh helps me in a way, it's not alcohol or anything. It's an immortal drink that's all so yeah." My excuse was so bad not even I believed myself for one bit. "Oh yeah, I remember you drinking those back home Cande. Good thing you have one here, wouldn't want you to start looking tired. That thing does wonders for your skin." Mikaela smiled going along with my excuse. "Oh it's pretty." Was all Aiden said before he sat back down by Dean who I could sense was still staring. Do you have a problem with us? Huh? Do you?! Because I have a problem with you now avert your eyes you dick! We don't want you looking at us, hell we don't even want you on board the Falcon. Stop staring you creepy werewolf. I have fists, and they're fists of fury. I really don't think you want to feel their wrath. The last person who did got kiled by them! The voice puffed out her chest as if to look tough but it didn't work. And she was being a bit dramatic about her fists of furry she nor did I ever kill someone or something by just punching it.
"What the hell are you doing Cande? I know you got that from Mark. I mean anyone could just tell by just looking at it. It doesn't look like a normal drink but it looks mystical and shit." Mikaela held the bottle in her hands and inspected the contents. "Mikaela what I'm doing is honestly none of your concern, it's not going to affect the mission in any way. This is just purely for my benefit so don't worry about it." I could feel myself get annoyed with her. "Cande just tell me what are you doing?" "Fine I had Mark make this for me. I don't want to think about Dean anymore or have anything to do with him. So I had Mark make this, it's going to wipe my mind of Dean. Once I drink this he's going to mean nothing to me. I can't deal with the feelings I am having for him right now. It's way too distracting so i'm doing this for the sake of the crew." She sat in front of me with the expression that I told her the worst thing possible. "Oh Cande." She breathed gently giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I would tell you not to do it but you wouldn't listen. So if this is really what you want then by all means go for it. When are you going to do it?" "Tonight" I replied looking down at the glittering purple fluid. "Hold on." Talya called out as the falcon made a sharp turn and sent the bottle rolling all the way down the hall and to the back of the ship. It's like some unseen force was totally against me wiping Dean from my memory. "Fuck" I whispered getting up and running down the hall with Mikaela right behind me. "Do you see it?" She asked slightly out of breath. I didn't respond, I had seen it but it wasn't how I wanted to. It was no longer in a bottle but instead it was broken open and the purple glittery contents were spilled out onto the floor and wall. "Oh no! Cande go and have Mark make you a new one. I'm sure he'll do it." "No Mika he won't he was against this believe it or not. He won't give me a new one so i'm fucked." Out of the corner of my eye I could see her raise her hand and then lower it down back to her side. She had decided against touching my shoulder. I didn't say anything as we walked back to the main part of the falcon. I just sat there and let it sink in that I would never be rid of Dean. The one chance I had was now splattered all over and I would never have another one. This majorly sucked.
