Past Life

Chapter 6-Pocketbook

I woke up with my throat aching, heart beating fast.

I had a nightmare. In my dream, I was walking in an isolated street. I am alone. Dark and quiet.

And then I heard a scream. A familiar scream. I got scared. I ran away from the scream. The voice is begging for help but I'm too scared. I am a coward. I want to escape. But the farther I run away, the louder the voice gets. Until the scream faded and all I hear is a whisper saying.. "Justice"

Then I woke up. Ramdam na ramdam ko yung pawis ko. It felt so real. Last night, after the incident, Rake walked me home. At hindi na nawala sa isip ko yung mga sigaw at hinanakit na nasaksihan ko. Para bang sinusundan ako ng mga yun at sinasabing "Please give me justice."

~~~

"Do you know the latest story? Barbie and Lee is now.. uhm" Angela hesitates to tell me.

"I know. I saw them." I hope the bitterness in me is not that obvious but the tone of my voice betrays me.

"You deserve someone better, someone who can accept your differences. Believe me. Let go. Move on." She waves her hand in the air.

"Easy said than done."

"Alam mo, Ang pag-ibig bigla-bigla na lang sumusulpot."

" Angela, you're here." At bigla na lang sumulpot etong si candle man. Ang pag-ibig bigla-bigla na lang sumusulpot.

"Victor. Aa..anjan ka na pa..la" So he is Victor? At kailan pa naging bulol itong si Angela?

"Mind to introduce me?" I asked Angela na kanina pa nilalaro yung buhok nya.

"Ahm, Victor, this is my bestfriend Cyker. Cyker this is Victor my.. friend." She had a long pause before the word friend. Are they dating or something? Is my bestfriend hiding something from me?

"So Cyker, may I borrow your friend for a while?" Victor asked me and I answered him with a nod.

"Sure kahit wag mo ng ibalik. Hahahahaha!" Biro ko, pero wala namang natawa, pahiya.

Nang makaalis na sila, may humawak sa balikat ko.

His hand is soft just like the hand of a man who pulls me to a tree last night. Rake.

I turn to look at him. Pero hindi sya ang nakita ng mga mata ko, kundi ang dalawang tao sa likuran nya: Barbie and Lee. Lee puts his arms on the barbie doll's shoulders. Do the scales of Lee also irritate her just like the way I feel the night in the ball? Does Lee also invite her to watch movies? Does Lee--

"Cyker." It's the first time he calls my name. Rake snatches my attention. But the pain is still there. I can still see them laughing at each other's joke.

"I'm sorry I'm just distracted. I just can't.. I just can't take it. I just.. It just.. urgh! Do you know the feeling of seeing the one you like with someone else? It doesn't just hurt me. It kills me. It's like cutting every bone in my body. It's like pinching every muscle, hard and deep. And I can't do anything to stop the pain. I can't do anything to save myself."

"You can do something. In order to save yourself from pain, you should save yourself from him. Let him go, Cyker. Let him go."

"It's hard. I've tried a hundred of times doing that thing! We just dated once, He just confessed to me once. But before those things happen, I already like him. I wa—"

"You know why you can't let him go? Simply because you still hope. You think you still have a chance. You still hope."

And that got me thinking. He is right. I can't let go of him because in the first place, I don't try to let go. Deep inside of me, I still hope. I still hope that it will be me and him, till the end.

And that's what kills me.

"It's impossible for you to let go if you're still hoping, if you're still wishing for a chance that will never happen. I dare you not to hope, and you're moving on stage will be easier than what you think. Cyker, listen to me. Be with someone who accepts you. Be with someone who will stay with you, even if you push them away. Be with someone who will understand and love your flaws. Be with someone who will never replace you. Don't be with a man who leaves you just because he is too much of a PDA."

I laugh at his last statement. I can't help but to smile at him and say..

"Thank you Rake. You got a point. Why will I force myself to someone who doesn't see my worth? I am neither an option nor a second choice. I am Cyker Arkhams. I won't let flirty boys stop me." I said and I mean it. I don't know where my bravery came from. I just felt a strong spirit inside me.

"It's my first time you call me by my name." He said. I paused. Yeah, it's the first time. But I prefer pocketbook boy than Rake. It's cute!

"Well, I prefer pocketbook than Rake. What do yah think, pocketbook?" I mocked.

"If that's what you want, weak." Then he smirked at me.

Well well well, the pocketbook is back!

~~~~~

I looked at the house in front of me. Wow. Bahay nina Rake. Ang laki at ang ganda.

Sabi ni Rake, may ipapakita sya sa'kin. Yung abo na kinuha nya from the crime scene. Might be well a thing to investigate. Since sinunog ng suspect ang bahay. Kaya sumama ako dito sa bahay nila. Bahay na malapalasyo. Wow.

"Wow pocketbook. Is this your mansion? Wow. Were you a king in your past life? Grabe as in nangibabaw yung laki ng bahay mo tas yung katabi mong bahay, lumiit sa laki ng bahay mo."

"A well-known architect designed the interior of that house. Do you see the fountain in front of the house? Konektado yan sa underground pool ng bahay. At ang bahay na yan ay hindi sa amin dahil ang bahay namin ay yung katabi nya." Pero hindi ko narinig yung last sentence ni Pocketbook kasi may dumaan na karagkarag na trycicle. Basta ang ang naintindihan ko lang ay konektado ang fountain sa underground pool ng mansion. Wow.

"Wow. Ang laki talaga ng mansion mo Pocketbook tas tinabi mo pa sa maliit na bahay. Tignan mo nga yung katabi nya, ang pangit-pangit! Ang liit-liit! Yuck! Kadiri! Sino ba yung owner nyan? Hindi na nahiya!" I turned to look at Pocketbook. He's face is reddish. Wait, galit ba sya? Bakit naman? Pinuri ko na nga lang yung mansion nya.

"Are you insulting me?" He asked me with oh-so-serious voice.

"Ano bang problema mo? Pinuri ko na nga yung bahay mo. Ang ininsulto ko lang naman yung katabi mong bahay. Ang pangit kasi. Swear ang pangit talaga. Pero itong mansion mo ang gan---"

"hindi yan ang bahay ko. Yung katabi nyang bahay na ang pangit-pangit at ang liit-liit ang bahay ko. Satisfied?" I gulped. So I just insulted a house with its owner beside me. Great. Just great. Hindi ko napanood ang ganitong eksena sa movie. Hindi naman lahat ng detalye ipapanood nya sa'kin. Hindi naman kasya sa two hours ang mangyayari sa'kin sa loob ng isang lingo or isang buwan. And even if my life is already stated, I have the power to change it. Yes, we have destiny but we also have freewill. We make our own destiny.

I inhale. How could I make this pocketbook forgive me?

"Look Rake, I'm sorry. Alam mo sa totoo lang, ang simple ng bahay mo pero maganda. Hindi katulad nitong parang mansion. Masyadong elegante. Masyadong pasikat. Masakit sa mata. Pero yung sayo, ang humble talaga ang dating. Etong mansion, mukhang panghorror. Hindi talaga marunong yung gumawa nito. Para bang pipichuging architect yung gumawa."

And then I heard a laugh. A laugh like there's no tomorrow. He is about to shed tears from laughing. I can't believe it. The weirdo pocketbook is laughing because of me. Rake Meander is letting me know the real him. Back then, he is such a mysterious guy, very unpredictable. Lee is also serious, but you can predict him. You know he'll change girls after the week; you know he'll be punching a guy on Saturday night; you can predict he'll cheat a game just to win. But Rake is different. He will just surprise you by showing up when you least expect him. He'll leave you in awe by his words of wisdom. He'll call me weak and insult me but he can be my savior in an isolated street. Then now, he's in front of me laughing in a corny excuse. He's very unpredictable and that makes him mysterious. I want to know more of Rake Meander. I am eager to know his story.

But, I am more eager to be a part of his story.