Past Life

Chapter 38-Escape

I woke up but I still close my eyes. Ang liwanag, tinaas na naman siguro ni Terrence yung kurtina sa bintana ko para magising ako sa sinag ng araw. Mapagalitan nga, I open my eyes and finally realizing where I am. Pinikit ko ulit yung mga mata ko para isipin kung ano yung mga nangyari. I am still inside the abandoned school and something inside me is strange. Not in a creepy strange way. It's in a fantasy strange way. And it hits me.

I just kissed Rake last night.

I'm not supposed to do that! What a stupid thing to do. What should I tell him? That I'm just playing around? That the kiss was just because of the alcohol.

Of course! The alcohol made me brave and reckless and it gives me the courage to kiss Rake! It was because of the alcohol.

But no! I kissed him because I wanted to. The alcohol just triggers me to do it.

I still keep my eyes closed even if I'm totally awake. I take a glimpse of him, he's preparing the boat that we will use later to reach the other side of the lake. Then suddenly, his gaze turns to me. I close my eyes again pretending to sleep.

"Don't pretend that you're sleeping. I caught you." Caught in the act, I open my eyes and sit up.

"Look, we need to talk. The.. about..ahm..the kiss." My head is aching and I'm still dizzy. Hangover. This is what they call it. "It's..it's.." Jeez! I don't know what to say! I stare at the snow avoiding his gaze.

"It's what, Cyker?" There is a teasing in his voice at lumakad siya papalapit sa direksyon ko.

"It's.. it's wrong! That shouldn't happen! I'm drunk! That's it! I don't know what I'm doing! Every word I said is a lie." I shout at him, not saying the truth.

"Really? Are you sure?" Lumuhod siya sa harapan ko. One knee is touching the ground and the other is supporting his balance. He tipped my chin up, making me face him. "Look me in the eyes and tell that to me again." He trapped me. I feel like I'm being hypnotized by his eyes. And I'm tempted to tell him the truth, that I really mean every word I said last night. But lying to him right now is for the better.

"The kiss has no meaning. I am drunk, I'm out of my mind. Everything that I told you last night, it's nonsense. I can't even remember them right now. Wala silang kahulugan, wala silang kwenta." After I said those words, he touched my palms.

"Your palms are sweaty." I feel a pang of panic rise through me.

"Just because my palms are sweaty doesn't mean that I'm lying!"

"You said that, not me." I dropped my gaze. I don't know what to say to him now. He had read me!

"Cyker," he tipped my chin up again and locked a few strands of my hair beneath my ear. "I don't know why you keep on pushing me away. But guess what, you cannot push me away, no matter how hard you try."

Pagkatapos niyang sabihin yun, lumakad na siya papalayo sa'kin at prinepare na naman yung bangka. I feel anxiety and bliss wash through me. Anxiety, because no matter what I do, I can't push him away. And bliss, because finally, he is mine again. My savior is back.

Pagkatapos naming kumain at maghilamos, sumakay na kami sa bangka. Ako yung nasa harap at siyang yung nasa likod. Masmabigat daw kasi siya. Hindi kami nag-uusap. Walang nagsasalita.

"Running out of lies?" Pabiro niyang tanong habang nagsasagwan kami. Nag-init yung pisngi at wala akong maisip na isagot. Hindi ko rin makita yung ekspresyon ng mukha niya dahil nasa likod ko siya.

"Oo eh, naubos kasi kagabi." Sagot ko.

"Another lie."

"I'm saying the truth. It's your choice if you'll believe it or not."