Life changes

Chapter 12- Who Knew, Ryan and Amanda? Or is it Tristan...

Amandas pov:

It was a new day, coffee in the pot, restless me. And repeat that was the motto for this morning Harry had left early to get his paper work done in the office. He left at eight it was now ten thirty. I thought since having Harry as my boyfriend it would bring perks, it did he said I didn't have to come in until twelve. Which was a good thing since I wasn't ready. I went back and got changed into these tight dark jeans and a loose top with a vest under neath then did my make up perfect.

I let my hair fall, I never really have it out I just felt different today, out of all days I felt better but still hurt my best friend isn't my best friend anymore. Memories of last night echoed through my mind as the day went past, by the time I shut the door got to my office and got my coffee and started working was exactly twelve o'clock.

******

I was getting stuck into my work when Harry walked in, "Baby?" I didn't glace up I just spoke while my eyes where on the screen "Yes love?" I asked He noticed but left it, he knew I wasn't in the mood today "I'm going out for lunch want me to get you anything?" He kindly asked I nodded " caramel hot chocolate please." He smiled he walked up to my desk and leaned down and kissed me, I had to stop what I was doing and then kiss him back, I did so and he continued it I let him then smiled saying "baby remember the drinks?" He nodded "Your right sorry, I'll see you in a bit."

********

After the hour went, Harry hadn't come back I wasn't worried nor cared to be completely honest, Tristan came in. I beamed with joy I like him, he makes me laugh. I wouldn't tell Harry that. My liking Tristan is a different kind of liking to Harry, I feel safer with him but with Harry its the danger that keeps me wanting more. He was on his lunch break and I was enjoying the conversation as it flew.

Harry was back, you could tell by his voice echoing through the corridor, He walks in with smiles then notices Tristan, he can't force me not to see him He grunted, I didn't react to it I thanked him and drank my drink as I worked, he was having awkward small talk with Tristan, I laughed in my mind. My phone went up, in lights. I glanced at it, it was Ryan. What does he want? thought he said his piece?

Ryan: So thats it, us. Friendship. Everything gone?

I grunted in response

I replied : I thought you said all you needed to say, so why you talking to me?

Ryan: Dont be like that, really? You think I could forget you that easy?

I typed : Everyone else did.

I left it there. My phone buzzed again I looked up Harry looked like that "protective" type asking who's texting me I replied "Ryan." He also grunted "thought you dealed with him." I nodded at him "I did, he keeps coming back."

"Alright, next time I won't be so easy." Implying that he would do a better job of keeping him away. It isn't that easy because I knew up with Ryan, he knows better then I know myself.

I just kept my mouth shut, I've been in this situation before when I knew something and I told when I shouldn't I learned my lesson.

For the most of the afternoon the boys where still in my office as I got on with my work, they actually looked like they werent going to kill each other, which was interesting. Until Harry surprisingly said to me "Baby, where going to throw a bash at this rented out hotel suit."

"What why?" He grinned "why not?" I shrugged not caring "Tristan knows the manager and since I'm me, I can give them the amount and throw a party." I then turned my attention on to Tristan asking him "Where is this hotel?"

"Texas" Harry noticed my sudden eyes on Tristan he didn't seem to mind as much before he would of battered me probably. Harry stepped in "baby were leaving on Friday having a day of work." I asked pretty dumb now that thought of it "can we do that?"

"Really?" I nodded laughing at myself "Sorry didn't know I sounded dumb until now." He gave me a kiss on the cheak and left.

I just took a breath and continued with work, Tristan was still there. Still staring at me I felt a bit crept out but it also felt like someone was looking past everything about me. "Why do you let him do that?" I questioned him acting like I didn't know what Harry does to me "what do you mean?"

"Dont play dumb, your this hard working, amazing , brilliant and beautiful human being don't lower yourself to him." I didn't have time to react so I said "wow. That was actually really beautiful. But I'm not any of those things."

I looked away for that split second and then he came closer "What made you so afraid of Life? You should be out there in the world exploring your options not settling for Harry." I tilted my head saying "For now settling is all I can do." "Why what you so afraid of?" He asks again, "life itself. I spent so long running, from everything."

"Why?" He asked that like it was so easy to answer. I couldn't I wasn't ready I shock my head "I can't tell you now." He nodded like he understood "I get it, when your ready I'm here." I smiled saying "I know."

*****

Once we where home, I cheak the message Ryan left.

Ryan: I'm not like everyone, you knew that. I love you to the moon and back. I could never leave you I promised and I'm living up to that promise.

****
I never replied. I liked th feeling of having that power. Him wanting me to reply now, but I could never love him the way he loves me. I didn't know the way he loved me I only knew that he did and I thought I was happy with only knowing. Guess I wasn't.

It's true I love him, but I love him like the other half of my laughs, the other me that fits my puzzle. I love that his by my side and won't leave. But I'm not in love with him.

I never was good at talking straight up about my problems, after my hot shower I dried my hair and was in bed. Harry walked in smiling he was in his trouser pj the bottoms an d no top he was bare chested.

We heard mumbles outside my fear of Ryan being their was real as Harry only chuckled in response "Fucking donut" he says as he pulls the curtain so it looks like Ryan disappeared.

I crumbled in the bed and pulled the sheets closer to me and layer their in my imagination the bed dipped as Harry's body weight came on. He whispered in my ear "Dont worry, leave him out there he'll get where not interested sooner or later." I could only nod in reply I didn't want to talk he said as he continued "Where leaving tomorrow anyway get so sleep baby."

He said as he kissed me then turned over finally closing his eyes. I then opened my eyes repaying what just happened, I miss you Ryan. His beautiful brown crushed hair falling into my hands.