Life changes

Chapter 24- Down memory Lane with K....

Amanda's pov:

Flash back:

I just couldn't do it anymore, Kyle was being Kyle where he pushed and pushed me away so I guess he shouldn't be upset that I went away. That's where it all started if I'm completely honest, he dragged it on for so long apart off me thought because I loved him for so long I was the one who made him love me back but he always use to say he loved me because he saw something "different in me".

I wanted to believe that, I really did. But I didn't. Then just when I fell he said he didn't feel anything so silently I stopped it all, I stopped caring I thought I couldn't do it but I found a way. But just as I got on with my life he came rolling back into it then he confessed how he always liked me and wanted me but he had issues with himself and because I was a fool I gave in and stupidly believed him.

****

Amanda's pov:

Kyle's body was affront off mine, I just spoke and moved my body away as I said "You don't get to leave me and come back like you did before. I'm happy." Which is a lie. "I don't believe that, I know you." I rolled my eyes "You missed out." I pointed out. He nodded "I know and I'm forever sorry about that but I had to let you leave." I laughed as I said "Do not make out that you where even bothered you didn't even try and find me, what does that even say, go on tell me?" He stayed quiet as I knew he would.

I stayed for a moment in case he would stop and tell me he was how it felt in the moment he lost me, I'm worth so much more but instead he did nothing as I knew. So I slowly brushed pasted him he quickly grabbed my elbow and said "If you don't care why didn't you leave with Tristan?" He looked so smug. I rolled my eyes.

"I don't have to ensure to you." With that I walked away but he called my name so of course I turned to hear what he wanted to say, He stood there glaring at me his eyes so focused on me his mouth moving I looked away "I just want you to know, You broke me." I laughed as I came back with "You really expect me to believe I could break you? I thought you were unbreakable?" He just grinned at me shouting " I wouldn't be here if I didn't care, I did break I'm not lying." I grunted this time and said "It's one of your many lies Kyle." I turned away and walked down the stairs and got to the door. Then left.

****

On the way back to Olivia's house I called Harry,no idea how I'm going to get out of f this one. I dialled Harry's number, heart beat was raising. His voice answered  He says "Baby where the actual fuck are you? Why did you leave? Did I do anything? Please come back."

It was so hard to hear that I mean, I never thought he would sound so scared yet concerned for me because I thought he was the same like the rest,  But he could be. He could be everything I am thinking of right now but should I go back and see if he is? or do I stay here and stay away? I can not just think off what to do right now in this moment I have to sleep on it, I need to go back to the house play nice, be a good girl friend, and then call my actual boyfriend. I know what you would be thinking, how cruel I am if I love Ryan but you don't understand, I guess no one will really. I think I'm just a mistake, but I have vengeance in me to see it through, what my dad did to me. But also people left me so is it such a surprise that I leave every so often? 

I did say I would go back to see my brother, but maybe not quiet yet. I need a plan. 

****

By the time I got back it was late, the dinner was on I could smell the pot roast, as I closed the door. Ryan's body turned to me as he heard me come in his smile disappeared on his face as it looked only disappointing I walked into the kitchen with a fake smile, I saw his body turned away from mine and he was sorting out the pots, he turned gripping the side of the counter "Where you been?" his face looked serious I sat as he asked and I looked up saying "I just wanted to have a walk around if I'm going to be here for a while, might as well right?" I said hoping he stops this conversation he did he just nods "sorry I'm just-" I finished his sentence "protective, its OK babe, I would be too if it was you." That seemed to do the trick, he smiled. His mum was sitting next to me on my side asking if I was alright I said I was fine just was going to have a shower she smiled nodding. I left the kitchen then waited a moment I knew she or him would say something about me and I was right Ryan's voice spoke first "She's upset.She isn't my Amanda mum, what do I do?"    she spoke well about me  "Ryan this girl has had a bad start to life, shes back to her home town where she was raised. She doesn't know anybody apart from us. Give her a break." I could tell he grunted its just something he does when his being told off.         

I walked on, hopped into the shower and switched  the hot water on only, love hot showers. I smiled as I felt the water trickle down. 

*** 

I pulled my pj's on, I brushed my wet hair and then just let it out so it could dry,My phone buzzed. Harry. I looked it was Tristan, I spoke first "Hey." It was Kyle. "What do you want?" His voice was harsh but light slightly, "Meet me tomorrow." Then he hung up. I just sued up my face then just switched it off. Then I just went to bed closed my eyes and tried to picture a better life. Anything better then what I got now, dad's dead but he still manages to get in even through the grave. I felt a slight twitch it was only Ryan's arms around me, he squeezed me I couldn't breath, I just held my breath.