Life changes

Chapter 22- I dont Kiss and Tell.

Amanda's pov:

The sun blazed through the window, it was morning as I tucked my head down to cover it from the sun I felt a firm body underneath me, then I saw Ryan sleeping soundly clutching me around my lower back. All I could do was to smile.

I rested on his chest, breathing in slowly. He was awake I knew it, I could feel it but he pretend to be asleep. Then he slowly opened his eyes. Don't ask me why I did what I did, please. I got up, sitting up straight just staring into space.

For a moment, a split second I thought I could do it, stay. But that was to do with Ryan not Harry. I felt agitated, I looked away then he took a breath. I closed my eyes. I could grow to love you, you twat.I wanted to say truly and really but It didn't come out of my mouth.

I gritted my teeth with annoyance, he sat up staring into my soul, I felt it. I stared back "What?" I muttered at him he replied only smiling "We need to talk about the kiss." I looked away "No, don't." I said his reply "Why?" "Don't want it to be real." I know it was mean but being mean saves me from saying what I actually want to say. He continued "Why don't you?" I looked at him, didn't say anything for a minute then took a big breath in and just spoke lightly "Making it real makes me open up and do things." Is that enough for you Ryan? please don't ask me anything else. "What makes it real?"

I grunted and stood then moved towards the door, turned back and said "If it was real, I would give it all up. If it was real I would stay for you. So please don't ask me to, I can't." And with that I couldn't take it anymore and walked out, I seem to be good at that. I didn't even look back I think I got use to that. I just need to ignore it and move on, it didn't happened. I need to see Stacey, shit I'll have to see her later can't go back. I'll go see Rosie, yeah I'll do that.

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Rosie's house

Rosie was cold, but as I entered I poked my head into her hall way and outside I saw the table with Tristan and Harry sitting right there. My eyes went grew bigger but I kept my breathing, I came out gave Rose a hug and then Tristan, then Harry smiled sitting there not moving making me go over there to kiss him. He smelt of beer. I grunted "Is there a problem baby?" Yes. You, why can't you be like Ryan. Why can't you know everything about me already. Know that I hate the smell of beer. Ryan knows, he wouldn't let me kiss him if he drank beer. "Absolutely not, I'm just really tired." I said with a fake smile. He nodded, I sat down he continued "Then try not have a attitude, alright love?" I nodded looking away.

I looked at Rosie "What you got to drink?" I didn't care what Harry would think I wanted a god dam drink. He gave me those eyes, I turned and had a attitude "Whats your problem cant I have one?" I stood and went inside, opened the side door, leaving it open since the sun was shining. I went into the kitchen and found the fridge then took a bottle of red wine while closing it. Harry's body stood behind me, I turned "What am I going to get shouted at now?" He stood there in that protective stance, "Why you being like this babe? I didn't say you couldn't drink that? You feeling alright, You know I love you right?" Is he trying to twist this? I nodded "Right." He hugged me then. I smiled then went back out with my bottle, poured myself a glass Tristan was sitting by himself so I sat with him, I turned to right to see Harry's face inside. Rose was talking to him now. I caught a glimpse of Harry staring at me he gave me a wink and in return I took my glass and chucked it down my throat. Then gave him to most allusive smile back.

Tristan and I continued talking about work, I nodded "I haven't seen you around." He mentioned I nodded "Yeah, sorry. Want a catch up yeah?" I asked trying to smile "I want you to tell me the truth." My eye brows raised "I can tell your not yourself.Let me take you to lunch, we do need a catch up." "If you want." I said smiling, "If it's what you want Amanda." He said. I just stared at him and just all the things I was thinking I said not holding back, "Tristan. You are so kind, Your heart is filled with gold. Trust me, I know. I love how your concerned,trustworthy, everything a girl wants." I smiled staring into his eyes. Those dark beautiful eyes. "But not you?" He asks "Give up, before you try. I am not worth your time. I've gone too far of the edge, trust me." He smiles "I haven't even tried yet." I couldn't continue the conversation because the Harry and Rose came walking back outside.