Life changes

Chapter 14 - Wont change anything

sorry for not up dating my bday was on monday :P im 17 woop   and i got my nails did it took me longer with this chapter 

Amandas pov :

I instantly said "I'm not dealing with this right now." I say as I pull Rosie and my bodys away, they were calling me I didn't turn back we stopped as Harry's body and Tristan's banged into us we stepped back then I gasped for air Liam's annoying voice was behind me "Mandy, please I just want to talk" he says I just close my eyes then He pulls me back saying "Talk to me please!" He said please, I know I missed him, loved him, he was such a good brother, his my baby brother and I left him when he needed me I will always hate myself but he didn't know what I knew, he never saw what dad did to those women. They told me I was next. I had to run. But he doesn't know any of this. That's why I block him out. I know its a bad thing but forgetting dad meant forgetting Liam. 

" Please what?" I ask he gives me that look Harry was behind me asking who he was I wasn't listening to him I only had my eyes locked on Liam. "You left, When I saw Ryan and he said you left I needed to find you." I shock my head  "Stop. You never knew, I didn't tell you because you were so young you wouldn't understand."  He says "Well Im here now, tell me has it got anything to do with dad? Its funny you never mentioned him you didn't even come to his funeral." I smiled inside, his dead. He can't hurt me.  I started to tear up as I thought of my dad, telling him "You were around seven  I was ten, Dad used people." 

"How?" He asks I moved to the side walking to the front of smoking area in the middle, Harry spoke "Listen I don't know you but Your sister doesn't  want you. Leave." his voice was harsh but   I could tell that it hurt Liam, Liam was always a tough guy but  his voice softened " You know Amanda - " he says looking at me I look away but he continues "You know when you left, dad got mad. Really mad, not the kind he did when we upset him or came home after dark it was darker he beat me. He thought I knew where you were, I always knew you was his favorite but he would beat me senseless. He would ask me everyday Where you where.Same thing would happen." 

I knew I should go right up to him and hug him, tell him everything, go home But I made something for myself now I was a somebody, it took me a long time to find me. But all that came out of my mouth was "You think a fucking family story will get me coming home, I'm glad that his fucking gone, he never did anything for us If I remember I was the one waking  you up so we could make it to school, I was the one telling you to be quiet because of dad's "Special friends" that where over and if he heard us-" Shit he doesn't remember that shut up. he'll ask now. You did it you ruined it.  

His face changed That moment Rosie says " Guys lets go upstairs my legs hurt." The boys looked at each other, and all nodded. 

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Tristan and Rosie went out to get food, Harry made it clear to me that he wasn't going leave. There was tension of course since Ryan was here, I covered as I had a long jumper covering me. But what me and Liam would talk about would be things that I never even told Ryan. 

Liam was across the table with Ryan, Ryan was sitting across from Harry and me my brother. I took a breath then Liam said "What did you mean? do you mean you saw his friends? what where they doing? how ? what did he do to you." I took a long breath in and waited then I breathed out "OK,It was a Tuesday and dad told me not to wake you that morning, I thought it was odd. I woke and got dressed then walked down the stairs I made a noise I dropped to the floor and the lamp broke. His eyes where like the evil. So dark, so tense. He pushed me in, that point he said his girlfriends weren't coming yet so only old looking men where standing there. " I took a breath in, not realizing tears where dripping there faces where in shock. 

Liam looks at me stares into my eyes then says  "Im sorry I didn't know, I'm sorry I didn't do anything and Im sorry. I've missed you so much, it made me hate you I wanted you back so much it made me crazy. Please dont leave me again." His head was down covering by his hands tearing up I rush to his side with my knees on the floor leaning up to him hugging him with arms around his back. My eyes were on Ryan he was right near me his face inches apart from mine but I lower my head and cover it by putting it on Liams shoulders.  I sobbed as I told him "You didn't know, its alright and I'm sorry I didn't know you ever felt like that if I knew I would of come back." No you wouldn't . 

"But This doesn't mean Im coming back with you. " I got up and walked a bit away I turned back Ryan's eye brows rose and he shouted "Come on, Mandy please whats stopping you?" 

I looked straight at him and said "Before I wouldn't of been able to ensure you but now I can, I can say now that I made a future for myself and also I don't want to go."  I smiled it was genuine but Liam got upset and mad I could tell by his face changed he shouted "Wait so your telling me that I came and tracked you down for nothing? Does me finding you and talking to you and wanting you back in my life nothing to you?" 

"I  can't come back with you." Was all I said he was saying "Are you serious?why can't you tell me you love me?" I didn't know why I couldn't tell him I just couldn't.   I started to cry as I said "I think you should go." I said as I left the room walking fast out of there I kept in the tears best as I could then Ryan was behind me "Please, dont leave it like this you guys are family." He pleads I just put that under the rug as I say "Does that have anything to do with Kelly?" He snaps back "Where not doing this right now." I agreed "Yeah were not." I walked away from him he shouts "So were leaving this like this?" I ask back "What part me and Liam or me and You?" He whispers "Us." 

I walk up to him and say in his face "There won't be a you and me OK I just dont feel that way about you.Please drop this." Harry's body movement was walking behind us I right there, felt fear for Ryan's life.