Reality

Excitement

Mikaela 

Yesterday was ... interesting, to say the least. With Louis' roommate from home showing up, things seem to be a lot different now. I can't tell if she's just a roommate or something more to him. It's really obvious that he has strong feelings for her, and I'm beginning to think that those feelings are a lot stronger than the ones he might have had for me.

I don't know how to feel about it. One day things are great between Louis and me, and the next day things are weird. Of course I have come to the conclusion after living in this house for a month that sleeping with someone one time does not constitute a relationship, but I was his first time. That's supposed to mean something, isn't it?

Maybe it doesn't mean anything at all. For all I know, Louis could be a secret player. My mama warned me about boys like him. I think I need to give him some time and space with Eleanor in town. Maybe things are different since he's seen her for the first time in a month. Maybe I was simply a distraction while he's been away from her.

He spent the entire day yesterday showing her around and ignoring me as if I didn't exist, as if we hadn't just slept together the night before. He didn't even introduce the two of us. I had to take the initiative and say something first. Of course I didn't mention the fact that Louis and I had something going on, although I'm beginning to think that maybe I should have. I feel like a horrible person for hoping that she will do something wrong to upset Louis, but so far she's been a total sweetheart. I don't think she has one mean bone in her body.

I'm feeling so conflicted and my heart is aching and something is telling me I should just show up on Bradley's doorstep. I just have no idea what to do. 

"Are you alright?" Brooke asks me, causing me to jump in surprise as I'm ripped from my own thoughts.

For a moment I forgot that the two of us are out for lunch together, trying to mend our friendship. I figured we needed to hang out away from the house where we could talk. Maybe this will help distract my mind from what's happening at home.

I slap on a smile and nod my head, "I'm doing just peachy. Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts, that's all. How've you been?"

Brooke laughs before picking up her glass of water, "I've been better."

"Same here," I sigh as I swirl my straw around the edges of my glass. Before she can say anything to me, I speak up to change the topic. "So is the party tonight?"

"Tomorrow," she flips her blonde hair over her shoulder and shakes her head. "Niall is the one planning it, and all I know is that it's on a Wednesday. I think he picked a theme for it. It's going to be a blacklight party."

"That's going to be interesting."

"We'll see how that goes. Niall has pretty much been obsessed with Eleanor since she arrived, so he's doing everything he can to make this party legendary, which is why he has it tomorrow because he wants the time to plan it all," Brooke rolls her eyes and laughs, finding more amusement in this than I am.

It's beginning to feel like everyone in the house loves the girl except for me. I mean, it's not that I don't like her, I just don't have an opinion formed right now. After the events of yesterday and last night's dinner, I think I can confidently say that everyone loves her. 

I hate that in the back of my mind I'm constantly trying to find any kind of flaw in her. She's too tall for Louis. Her feet are weirdly large. My legs are very thin but not as thin as hers. The side view of her nose is unpleasant. She shows too much teeth when she smiles. She sounds like a horse when she laughs.

I hate myself for thinking all of this. Mama would be so upset with me.

Seriously, I have always been the girl that supports other girls in everything they do. I have always found something to compliment them on because I know every girl likes to hear something nice about themselves. I have always been the one to try and make other girls feel better about themselves, yet here I am trying to find imperfections in this girl to make myself feel better. What has gotten into me?