Reality

Sorry Don't Feed the Bulldog

Louis

I stand silently at the doorway to the girls' room, helplessly watching as Eleanor says her goodbyes to Brooke and Zayn. With everything that has happened, Eleanor's visit went by too fast. It's now Friday and the fact that Eleanor's trip has come to an end, and she's leaving on such bad terms, is like a stab to my chest. I know that I'm at fault for all that has occurred in the last two days, so it makes me feel like complete crap to think about it. Not to mention that I feel like crap for making her want to stay last night in a hotel. 

This trip didn't go as planned for either of us. I had the hopes of telling her how I felt and learning of a mutual interest that potentially led to a relationship, and she had the intentions of just having fun with a friend. I ruined her visit.

The two of us haven't even had the chance to talk about it all. After the fight yesterday morning, Eleanor packed up her bags and left for the rest of the day. I think Aubrey was the only one she would talk to because she definitely didn't answer any calls or text messages from me. 

As Eleanor says her goodbyes to Brooke and Zayn, she turns around and awkwardly glances over at me. She keeps her head down as she walks out of the room in her jean shorts and Adidas shirt. I know she has already said goodbye to the rest of the house, so as she walks toward the front door, I quickly run to catch up with her.

"Eleanor, wait!" I shout as I step outside the house. She slowly stops walking and turns around to look at me with the most uneasy facial expression, I almost feel as if I shouldn't say a word. "Can we talk for a second?"

She shifts her weight between her feet and pulls hair behind her ear as she shrugs her shoulders. "Louis, me coming here was just a bad idea, okay? I was partially at fault for ruining whatever it was that you had going on with Mikaela, and I'm just not okay with everything else that happened. I just think it's best if I leave and give you time to yourself. After your last two months here, we can talk about what'll happen next."

"Can we talk about it now? Can we just sit right here and talk for a minute?"

I think it's the look that I give that convinces her to sit down on the front steps. Maybe she pities me now. I'm not entirely sure, but all that I care about right now is the fact that she's giving me a chance to talk. 

There's so much I want to say and so much I know I should address, but I don't know where to start. A lot happened while she was here. There was a lot I didn't tell her and a lot of things that I did to ruin her visit. I won't be surprised if I don't hear from her until I get home at the end of July. 

As I sit down beside Eleanor on the front steps, it's silent between us. The only noise comes from the cars driving by on the main street and a few birds chirping in the trees. It's weird because it has never been this awkward between the two of us. Even when we didn't have anything to say to each other, it was peaceful and relaxing. Now, the air is tense and I feel the need to tiptoe around topics.

"I'm sorry, El," I finally begin. It's a slow start but at least it's something to get the ball rolling. "I really screwed up. I know that this trip has been less than enjoyable for you, and I apologize for being the reason it went to crap."

She doesn't say a word as she sits beside me with her eyes trained on the car in our driveway. It's painfully quiet, and it tortures me that she doesn't say anything. I can't tell if I'm irritating her or getting her to think about this whole situation.

"Yes," I continue speaking, "there was something going on between Mikaela and I. I started having feelings for her and I spent a lot of time with her. She's beautiful and funny and an incredible girl, and yeah, I did kiss her and we did have sex. But when you showed up at the front door, I think I had an epiphany. I hate to put it this way, but I think I viewed her as a substitute for you."