Reality

Bonding

Brooke

Walking down the beach with Harry feels amazing. Whenever I'm around him, I always feel like I'm on top of the world and that I can do anything I want. And even though I kind of have a thing with Spencer, I still wish I was able to say that I'm with Harry. I think I will always wish I was with him. Everything about him is perfect. 

I asked him to come to the beach with me because I kind of wanted to hang out with him again. Getting a taste of it on Sunday when I talked with him in his room made me really miss him. He's been keeping himself stuck in the house after he got his stitches and I think it's time he gets out. A little sunshine will be good for him. 

I just want to spend some bonding time with him. I've done a lot of shit to screw things up between us and I really don't want to mess it up again. All I want to do is spend time with Harry and maybe make a few memories of our own that are more positive than negative like they have been for the past month. 

As we walk along the sidewalk, dodging bikers and rollerbladers and skateboarders, I turn to Harry and try to think of something to start a conversation.

"So how's - uh - how's life?"

"I've been better," he shrugs as he adjusts the baseball cap on his head to prevent the sun from shining on his face. "How's life for you?"

"Oh, um. Same. I've definitely been better," I nod my head as I'm not really sure what else to say.

I hate that we used to be able to talk so easily together. Now I just have a hard time figuring out what to say and what not to say. I don't want it to feel like we have to walk on eggshells around each other, but it sure does feel like it's getting that way. 

We did agree upon restarting our friendship again, but it just isn't the same as before. I've done shitty things and I've said shitty stuff that I'm sure he just can't forget about. I kick myself every day because of it. I was such an idiot and I don't want to do that again. 

"What's on your mind?" I ask Harry, seeing as he continues to stare at the sand-covered cement sidewalk.

He shakes his head and finally looks up, watching the people around us. "Nothing. I guess I'm just tired. I don't know. I was also thinking about how it's just really weird between us. Any conversation feels forced."

"I was thinking the same thing. I don't want it to be that way. Maybe ... maybe just talk to me as if I'm Aubrey or something. Whatever helps you to feel more comfortable, I guess."

"Well, I don't know what there is to talk about."

"We could talk about anything. What about-"

"Harry! Brooke!"

I hear our names being called by a familiar voice, one that I would have rather gone today without. There's just something about them that annoys me.

Looking to our right, Scarlett waves her hand as she makes her way towards us, a black bikini making her look sexy and sophisticated. Harry's face instantly brightens when he sees her and a piece of me is stabbed with jealousy. She just always looks so perfect and put together, and when I stand beside her, I feel very inferior. I try to find anything about her to dislike. Somehow it makes me feel better to criticize the way she looks in my head.

Harry reaches out to give her a hug once she gets close enough, and it's soon followed by a kiss I wish I didn't see. It's one thing to know that they've slept together and that they're in a relationship and that they've kissed, but it's another thing to actually see it in front of me. It makes me sick.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, meaning to sound cheery and excited to see her but it actually came out rather monotonous and a little irritated.