Our perfect rainstorms

The 26th of January 2016

So, me and Charlie have been talking for a small while, and I really like him. There seems to be something really wrong with him... I just don't know what. It's probably obvious and I'm too stupid to notice. I seem to make him happy, though. I'm glad I can be a positive force in his life.

But, besides Charlie, who was asleep for once, there were other problems with the close people in my life. Emilia texted me later in the afternoon, after school.

Emilia: Hi.

Me: Hi there :3
Me: You ok?

Emilia: Not really.

Me: Oh?
Me: Why?

Emilia: My girlfriend  broke up with me. She said it was because I was asexual.

Me: Oh dear

Emilia: Yeah, it sucks.

Me: *Hug*?

Emilia: *Hug*
Emilia: Thanks.

Me: It sucks that you had to lose someone you loved :(

Emilia: It's fine. I understand.
Emilia: She would've always wanted sexual pleasure, I would've never given it to her.
Emilia: Us both would've just felt guilt. I guess it's better that it ended.
Emilia: I'm still sad about it, though.

Me: That's so shit
Me: I'm here for you if you ever need me

Emilia: Thanks.
Emilia: Sometimes I feel like it would be better if I just had lots of friends that wouldn't mind kissing me and cuddling me, like friends with benefits, but then I start wanting a relationship so much.
Emilia: I just need to find a nice asexual lesbo-/bi-/pan-/polyromantic girl or guy.

Me: Yeah. Friends with benefits seems so weird to me, though

Emilia: It's just a bunch of friends who kiss and cuddle each other. It's perfectly normal. I wouldn't mind being like that with you if you wanted me.

Me: Well, I'm always up for cuddles, at least

Emilia: Yay! *cuddles*

Me: *Wraps my arms around you and holds you* ^-^

Emilia: I really need this right now. Do you mind if I come over to cuddle?

Me: I'm ok with it. Come right over

Emilia: I will. Thanks

So Emilia knocked on my door after a while and I let her in and we went into my room to cuddle. I wrapped my arms around her and put one hand on her back, one on her waist, and she laid her head on my chest and put her arms around my neck.

"Thanks for cuddling me", Emilia said after a bit. "It makes me really happy".

"It's no problem", I answered. "I like making you happy".

I could feel Emilia smile into my chest. "I really need more cuddling in my life. It's just hard because nobody really wants to befriend me".

I rubbed her back a bit. "There are plenty of people I know who'd want to befriend you. Maybe you're just in the wrong place".

"I don't feel much like I'm in the wrong place. I'm in the right place, just around the wrong people", Emilia replied.

"Maybe".

"Or then the right people are in front of my nose and I'm just too awkward to start up a conversation".

"Oh dear. Anxiety?"

"Yep".

"Pretty shit".

Emilia's smile faded. "Do you know the feeling when you realise nobody really wants you and you're just a burden on everyone? Because that's how I feel", she told me.

"Hey, don't say that. You're not a burden on anyone", I replied.

"I'm being a burden on you right now", she said sadly.

"No, you're not. You're in need of comfort and I'm here to help. Besides, you make me feel really happy a lot of the time". I squeezed her gently after telling her that.

Emilia looked up at me. "Re- fuck, that's a bad angle to look at someone", she said. We both burst into laughter and she sat up next to me. I sat up too. "But really, do I make you happy?".

"Yes, yes you do. Of course you do", I answered. Emilia smiled again and blushed and looked down. "You make me happy, too", she said quietly.

"I'm glad I do", I replied, and she leaned into my shoulder.

"Sorry if I'm making you feel awkward, by the way", she said.

"Why would you make me feel awkward?" I asked, confused.

"Because I'm- because I'm cuddling you?"

"Oh, that's alright. Cuddles and hugs are ok with me".

"Are you sure? I don't want to make you feel bad in any way".

"Yeah, I'm sure".

Emilia smiled at me. "Thanks for being a friend", she said. "So, what's new in your life?"

"Well, I made a new friend a few days ago", I replied.

"Oh, cool. What's their name?"

"His name is Charlie. He seems sad every time I go talk to him, but apparently talking to him makes him happy".

"Oh, you should talk to him right now, then".

"No, he's asleep. I'll talk later".

"Oh, ok".

Then we just sat there for a while.

"Thanks for making me feel wanted", Emilia eventually said.

"No problem. I love to help", I replied.

"Have you ever felt unwanted?"

"I, uh, don't wanna say".

"Oh, ok. Sorry".

"It's alright. Wanna play Uno?"

"Fuck yeah!"

And so we spent the rest of the day playing Uno, A.K.A making each other scream by using all the "pick up 4 cards" cards in our decks on each other, until it was time for Emilia to leave. She gave me a tight hug that lasted quite a while before she had to catch the bus back home.