Our perfect rainstorms

The 1st of April, 2016

I walked up to Emilia in the school hallway. She was sitting down on her phone.

"Can I sit here?" I asked.

Emilia looked up. "Yeah, sure", she said and looked back down.

"I'm sorry I haven't been spending much time with you", I said.

"That's fine", Emilia said bitterly. "I've never had a good friend longer than I had you, anyway".

"So, um, that hug. A while back. Do you still want it?" I asked.

"Well maybe whoever you've dumped me for wants it more", she said. I could hear her bitterness and resent for me.

"Look, I-", I started, but paused. Could I tell her about my problems with concentrating on people or would that make things worse? "I don't want to concentrate on just one person", I said. Best not to bother her with my problems.

Emilia snorted. "Sure", she said.

"No, I mean it. I wanna spend time on you and concentrate on you too", I said.

Emilia turned to me and grabbed her books and stood up. "I don't believe you", she said and walked off.

I tried talking to her in class. She wouldn't reply, she just focused on her work.

"I'm sorry. I still wanna be friends with you", I said.

"It's gonna take some time. Just leave me be", she replied. That was all she said.

"Can I ask something?" I asked Charlie on Skype.

"Sure", Charlie replied.

I swallowed and felt myself sweating a bit. "Am I a bad person?" I asked.

"No. Why'd you ask?" Charlie asked.

"I started spending a lot less time with one of my friends", I said. I tried to say more but I couldn't.

"Is that all?" Charlie asked. I was shaking a bit, and I guess he noticed. "Are you ok?" He asked.

"I'm fine", I lied. "I think my friend, um, she hates me".

"Oh", Charlie replied.

"She, uh, she wouldn't-", I started. I was trembling.

"Daniel are you sure you're alright?" Charlie asked.

"She wouldn't talk to me", I finished. I was breathing fast and heavily.

"Give it time or something", Charlie suggested.

"I'm-", I started. I couldn't speak.

"You don't have to tell me", Charlie said.

"No, I want to, I-", I stammered. "I don't know".

"I don't understand", Charlie said.

"I just can't tell people things", I stuttered.

Charlie's face went a bit paler. "Is it trust issues or something?" He asked.

"I'm not sure I just can't seem to say things to people face to face", I said quickly.

"What about in text?" Charlie asked.

"I mean it might help", I said.

"Ok", Charlie responded.

I couldn't open my phone, my hands were shaking too much. "Later", I said.

"Ok", Charlie replied.

"You ok?" I asked.

"I'm fine", Charlie replied.

"Do you wanna end the call?" I asked.

"Do you?" Charlie asked.

"I, um, not really", I stammered.

"Maybe you should go calm down or something", Charlie suggested.

I nodded frantically. "Ok. I love you", I said before ending the call and shutting off my laptop. I lied down on my bed and pulled the covers over me. Maybe I could sleep and feel better when I woke up. Maybe.