You Hate Me, I Used to Love You (Completed)

Part 65

Well. Its 2016 :-) im planning on making it perfect :-) 

I have a boyfriend :-) I like him a lot. He thinks I don't. He thinks I love Luke more than him. 

Lol. Close. Luke wont ever love me. I love Luke and him. I feel bad though. I think we just got in a fight. 

I only dont like how he makes fun of the way i fangirl but it's okay. I'm used to that. I am sooo used to that. 

I almost killed myself last week. I hate myself. I ended up cutting myself but that's not a big deal.  I don't wanna tell anybody. I was gonna tell him but i told him something else. 

I just don't like whats going on. There's so much stress. I can't handle that. I was never able. I hate it! 

He's gonna break up with me. I know it. 

I know why. It's alright. Not for me but whatever makes him happy. He doesn't care about what makes me happy so i guess I'll care about him. 

Cole and I are friends now. I don't like him anymore. Obviously. We talk a lot and it's not like sarcastic. It's nice.

I hang out with my friends a lot. 

That's a good distraction. I like hanging out with my friends. But it's cold out. 

I've been crying myself to sleep a lot. 

I just want a way out. I don't think I wanna die, I just want the pain to stop and everything be easy and okay.

But nothing is easy when you grow up is it? Nope. It's hard. I take it hard too. 

It's my uncle's birthday. He died in 1994. He was amazing. I wish I met him.  If I die i can meet him.  

I just hate my life. I feel like nobody cares about me. Nobody listens. I should just drink bleach idk i just hate it. 

oh my god. IT IS SO UNFAIR! NOTHING GOES RIGHT FOR ME! WHY? UGH IM FUCKING LIKE CRYING I HATE THIS SO MUCH! I AM SO STUPID! I FUCKING HATE EVERYBODY WHO SAYS SHIT TO ME ABOUT WHAT ACTUALLY MAKES ME FUCKING HAPPY. UGH NOBODY FUCKING GETS IT! NOBODY EVER WILL!  I AM SO DONE. I REALLY HATE THIS! WE ARE FUCKING TESTING FOR HIGH SCHOOL AND IM SO NERVOUS! TEACHERS ARE SCARING ME! I GET TOO MUCH WORK! I GET SO OVERWHELMED AND NOBODY CARES! LIKE LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH. I AM SO DONE. I AM SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS SHIT. WHO GIVES A FUCK??????????