You Hate Me, I Used to Love You (Completed)

Chapter 2

Like I said before; looking at him and he turns away breaks my heart. I can't even explain it. It's like my heart beats really fast and hurts a bit. It's a feeling I get all the time and I can't describe it.

He stares at me a lot. I notice it but mostly my best friend Lucy (Heeeey Lucy ☺) notices a lot. When I do look we sometimes stare at each other. I don't think we both realise we're staring.

Why does he stare at me? I have so many questions that go through my mind. He's the only one who could answer. But... he won't. He'll never.

The other day i said "Yeah no shit" not meaning for him to answer me but he laughed and smiled at me. I felt butterflies. Like going down a roller coaster. It's beautiful for how such little things can make your day. Things out of no where.

I feel that because we both "hate" eachother it gives us the wrong image and don't know eachother. We judge each other by what we know. I wish he can give me a chance. When people say we'd be perfect i just try not to belive them.

Once we were arguing after school waiting for a bus and people thought we were brother and sister cuz it was like that. We said ew no and the girl was like "you act like it and look alike" we both examined eachother after that... is it true ?

I hate sitting there all night knowing he hates me. Sometimes I don't sleep and read heartbreak quotes. I made one up. "What do you do when the one that broke your heart is te only one that can fix it?"

I don't wanna be that "silly little girl" anymore. I wanna be more mature and try to show him the real me. I don't wanna be judged.

Yeah my style is different then everyone else's. I wear flower crowns, I wear printed high waisted shorts. I'm different. I'm a fangirl and have no social life. I like to thing of myself as unique but everyone is. Nobody's the same. Nobody. Some people just go together like peanut butter and jelly but I just sit there and think "who the hell am I?"

I don't know who I am. I need someone to say who I am. All i know is that I have a "I don't give a fuck" additude. I feel ugly all the time. I hate forgetting my makeup. I have an high pitch voice where EVERYONE even my best friends try to mimic. I'm crying writing this to you. I can't help the way I look or talk. I wanna hide for the rest of my life in a cave. And I don't wanna talk again.

It makes me hate myself even more. I don't cut myself anymore but I wanna so bad. I just don't eat instead. I tell people i don't like food so I don't really tell them I don't eat by purpose.

One of my biggest fears is him falling for me and then breaking my heart all over again. I'm so worthless. I remember his mom making him leave a basketball game for sitting behind me. I went out crying my eyes out and Lucy tried to call me down but I continued crying about I'm not worth it for him. The worst part was, it was his birthday. I felt as if I ruined it.

I know who he likes. The schools slut . She's ugly. I mean really. She wears spandex and thinks all the boys like that. Number one; not to sound like a perv; she's got nothing to show anyways. 

don't judge me. I didn't give up trying to get those tickets and I did. When I got there i thought I was gonna die cuz my mom said i won't be able to see but I had seats close to the floor. I cried seeing the seats. Once they came out I bawled my eyes out. When i watch the video of my reaction i start to sob cuz I've never been that happy in my life! Every time I talk about it i try not to cry! I'm tearing up right now!

Being in the same room and pratically meeting them cuz Liam said "Hi we're One Direction, nice to meet you all" they're the only people who could make me feel beautiful and worth it. I get home and play their albums. I'm playing one right now. I probally sound crazy but I have 263 posters on my walls. They complete me.

But with that dream that came true, I have more. I wanna have that perfect relationship. I wanna be able to sit next to them in class and smile each other. I want that. But how? Who? I'm so worthless!