You Hate Me, I Used to Love You (Completed)

Who really cares?

the fact that it's 11:50 am and i was up all night drinking and got about 4 hours of sleep isn't cool :P still am rn i think and boutta throw up.

Isn't it just weird how so many things can change in like a second? Like think about it. Say you didn't do something in the past and you would be perfectly fine. 

One picture, one conversation, one action, one text, one sickness, one fight, one heartbreak, one death ect. ect....

Isn't it just awful? I miss who I used to be :-( I want her back. And I really don't remember fully when i was like comfortable with who I was and didn't feel judged and wasn't afraid to look in the mirror. When I didn't hate my life. When I had so many friends and was included in things. 

When I smiled and laughed like there was no tomorrow. 

Here I am now though. A teenager. Not a little girl anymore. More responsibilities, higher expectations, more stress and pressure. 

I never imagined I'd end up like I did. 

I never thought I can get into a school. I never pictured myself there. 

I really never thought i would drink like this. Or be so depressed. 

Or hate myself so much. 

"It takes nothing to join the crowd. It takes everything to stand alone."

I stand alone a lot. Honestly, I don't feel like people care about me. Idk i just hate it. 

Im so disconnected with people too so nobody thinks of me bc of that. 

Only if people knew though right??? 

Whatever.

I don't care. Sometimes I do. I just don't want to get in trouble. i know i will. I already got caught. 

I have no point. I think I'm a waste of space. I wish I can start everything over. everything from grade 5 to now over. 

But I can't take ANYTHING back. 

You can't change people's minds. 

You can't do anything. You can never rewind time. 

But, you'll be okay. 

Trust me :-) <3