You Hate Me, I Used to Love You (Completed)

Chapter 18

So i got a kid suspended............

A boy came up behind me and scooped me. 

So i reported it along with Lucy and we both got him suspended....

I feel really bad.

And now its a rumor through out the whole grade. Everyone is asking us about it. 

I dont even know what to say. 

I know one person who is pretty upset over it.

 Cole.

When Lucy and i were talking about it in math he asked what?

And I dont know if  i said but  everyone in my school is like sexually harrassing eachother so on monday we were split up by boys and girls and talked about it.

So lucy said "what we talked about yesterday" and he looked at me and i nodded and he tensed up. 

He clenched his hands and took a deep breath. 

And my mom was very angry with ME over it.

I dont understand why she was mad at me.

I did the right thing.

I told someone.

But in homeroom my friend Noah asked me why Cole was so mad at Freddy for grabbing me and i was like yooooooo...................

And today my mom told me she would take me to the cops if i didnt own up to my "lie" which it wasnt and she'll pick me up from school early.

In math i told the girl who sits across from him and he must've heard cuz he started staring at me and shaking his head. 

And in social studies I got the call to get my stuff because i was being dismissed. And I looked right at him and he put his hand over his face and looked down at his hands and when i got my stuff he mouthed something to me and i couldn't make it out because there were so many thoughts going through my head at that moment but im fucking drop dead serious i made out the word "Love"

Did he say "I love you" like as if i was leaving forever?

He couldn't have.

 I do know that deep, deep, deep down he cares about me a lot. 

I know that he wants the best for me. 

I know that because he talks out loud to himself which i dont think he notices but whenever i put down my binder he'll check my wrists. and he'll say "nope"

But he started saying "yup" lately. 

Maybe that's why lately he's been so conscious of me.

It warms my heart really.

This week a few this have happened.

Today i made him laugh during science because i took the egg and started shaking it in the air.

He laughed and shook his head. And his friend asked "What?"

"She took the egg and started shaking it in the air." But laughing at the same time really hard.

And then in math i asked a question to the girl across from him and he answerd and i said "Cole, don't talk to me. I dont talk to you"

I dont mean to say that out loud but it slips. 

And he made an upset face.

They most upset face he made all year was Wednesday when I didnt take my meds so I didnt realize what i was saying and he heard. I said "I just act like he's invisable so I can act they way i want and don't have to be so afraid in front of him" and he almost cried. 

I was able to see it on his face. 

I'm able to read body language really well and i read his the best.

He laughed at me earlier that day cuz i drew on my face a moustache then a cat. 

It was stupid but funny.

Then earlier that week my math teacher asked me a question then he answered it. and i said "Um, she was asking me Cole, not you so thanks......" 

He put his hands up and said "Oh okay then..." and smiled.

Today he got in a group picture and i made a finger gun and put it up to his head.

To bad for him. 

When ever the teacher asks me a question he answers it for me. I don't understand.

In French when we were doing something and had to list girls and i raised my hand and my teacher called on me and he looked right at me and had to know i was gonna have him write down my name so i turn to him and point at myself and say "Me" like a complete asshole.

He had me write down his brother's name. so too bad for him!

I can't stop thinking how he was resting his hand and rubbing my uggs gently.

Like was he trying to be nice and flirty or was he being weird...?

I DONT KNOW! (Comment your thoughts! PLEASE!) 

It's just so confusing for me. 

I don't understand.

I wonder whats going to happen tomorrow since he may have mouthed "I love you" to me and he knew i saw him. 

Whats he gonna think when i come back. 

Will he wanna know what happened?

Will he wanna talk to me.

Is he trying to get closer to me.

Will he take back his words?

Im 75% sure he mouthed I love you.

If he comes behind me, pokes my back, gets mad when someone sexually touched me, answers my questions, smiles and laughs at me, stares at me, rubs my foot, tries to come close to me, mouths words to me, gives me body language to communicate, and pratically has eye sex (lol) with me, what does he feel? 

But his bad side comes in. But mine does too. I call him ugly and stuff to try to make him know i "dont like him" but I do. I really do. Do i just bring him down as he does to me? Do we bring eachother down? Or Do we bring out the best and caring side of eachother. Or bring out the worst?

We'll see.....