You Hate Me, I Used to Love You (Completed)

to my future love

5-18-15 1:02 p.m.

to my future love,

i am an insecure person. i will need frequent assurance that you love me, even if i dont say as much. but do not lie to me. dont say that you love me if you dont. i am a clingy person. i will send you cheesy love quotes and pictures. i will tell you i love you 3 times in 5 minutes. you will be the first thought in my mind when i wake up and the last before i go to sleep. i will send you good morning and goodnight texts. i will write you heartfelt letters, most of which i wont even send. i will send you 20 messages when i miss you. i am a self destructive person. i will lash out at you when i am upset with myself. i will push you away when i want to punish myself. i will sleep for what seems like forever to avoid thinking. i will lie to you about how im feeling because i dont want you to worry about me. please dont take this to heart. the last thing i want to do is to hurt you or make you unhappy. i am an understanding person. you can tell me anything, even if its concerning me. i will always listen, and i will help you out as much as i can. i will understand if you dont want to talk to me about something. i will be here for you even if were not together anymore, even if we dont talk. but do not take advantage of me. i need someone, too. despite all this, i will love you unconditionally. please do the same for me.

To my future love,

Hello, love. You're out there right now, as I sit here in my bed with wet hair and an old bathrobe that someday you'll pick off our bedroom floor.  The robe came from my grandma when I was 9, and it is the most comforting thing in the world to me. But you know that don't you? If I haven't told you, now you know. Love, what are you doing at this moment? Studying for a test maybe, because god knows I'm not studying for mine. Or maybe you're already asleep after a long day at school, or watching your favorite tv show before bed. What could you be dreaming of? Here's the thing love: I am so terrified of you, but I can't wait to meet you and love you. I can't tell you who I will be when you find me, all I know is that I will have so much love to give to you. When I begin to let you in, and expose my secrets, my past, my fears, dreams and aspirations: you will have me. And I will have you, because I have learned to not love someone who can't be real to me. love yourself so that I may love you even more. And love, when I get jealous don't be angry, be understanding, because I've never had a lover all to myself before. I will apologize, I will do it again in time, and I will be content with your reassurance that you are mine and mine alone. You're going to know everything about me, every little detail, as I will know you. It's going to take time, cherish that time because soon you won't be able to listen to 90′s rock without thinking of the music I only play in my room late at night or hear my favorite song, fast car, and see things like cotton candy without thinking of me.  And I'll know them about you, I look forward to waking you every morning with a cute text or make you breakfast in bed the way you like. Love, it is going to be worth every second I spend waiting for you. I look forward the moment I realize you are the one.

Dear future love,

Sometimes I wonder whether or not I already know you or if I am still yet to meet you. If I do know you, I'm happy we found each other again. If not, nice to meet you. I hope you're the type of boy who will surprise me one day, with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. The type of boy to bring me my favorite coffee in the morning. I hope you allow me to fall asleep in your arms. I hope you know my hopes and dreams. I hope you know my dream of the city and I hope you understand that's the most important dream in my life and you love me enough to come with me. hope you'll stick by my side no matter how difficult things get. I want you to know I have so many hopes and dreams in life that are only complete if you are there with me. I hope you love me enough to cuddle and watch my favorite movies with me, Titanic, and Breakfast at Tiffanys, because if we do, that's the moment I know you're the man i'll marry. I hope you're the first and only I make love to. Because I want you to know I'm saving it for someone I trust and love. If I gave you what to me, is the most important part of myself please know that moment will be something so dear to my heart and you will forever have a place. Please know when that moment happens, Please know no act of love will be more important than that act. I hope you know I've known love for a long time. I love you already.

5-18-15 1:49 p.m.