Hiding My Heart

Chapter 47

I stare out of my window as the rain pelts the window hard. It's been three days since the battle, three days since I've been home from the hospital, three days my mom has been in a coma, and three days of people worrying over me. I lay under the covers, my room dark, the door closed, the light out and the temperature getting colder.  

Since I woke up at the hospital those three days ago I haven't been feeling the same. I woke up to Preston holding my hand, I thought I would have felt joy at having him near me but all I could think about was getting away from him. I didn't want to see him or any of my friends since the battle has happened. When I woke up Preston had told me the background story of why I was at the hospital.  

This is what my siblings and the human world believes. I was kidnapped by my father Joey; he had taken both my mother and me. He took us back to his old house for a few days until he saw the missing report on me and mom, he panicked and decided to take us out of the state. Only he crashed his car, causing him to die, my mom in a coma and me having minor cuts from the glass and a bruised ribcage from the seatbelt. How Luke and everyone else staged it I will never know. Mostly because I didn't care to ask. 

The doctor took some tests on me and gave me the all clear to go home. Preston wanted to come with but I didn't want him around. I haven't spoken to him or any of my friends since I came home. I blocked the link with him and with the others, I haven't answered their calls, and when they show up at the house I make Brayden and Natalie to tell them to leave. 

Things have been a blur since I killed my father. The first night back I cried myself to sleep, the guilt and everything caught up to me and there was nothing I could do but cry about it. Then came the guilt the next day. It was my fault my mom was in a coma, I came to the conclusion that it was the bond that made her in the state. Having the bond fade over the years and then have it back all the sudden must have shocked her, but then to have it ripped from you a day later and to never have it back... it must have shocked her so much that it put her in a coma.  

I haven't been to see her yet, and as the evening light started to fade I figured I should go to her. Brayden has been going to keep an eye on her the last few days, he always asks if I wanted to come but I decline. How could I face her and see her like that and know that I was the cause of it? It made me feel sick to my stomach. 

I've come to term with killing my father. Even now I don't remember much of the fight; I just remember the feeling of having to do it. If I didn't then I knew that he would have gotten away. He would have run sooner if I didn't stop him, he would have taken my mother and ran and finish his other plan. The High council, other packs and I wouldn't have been safe if I didn't challenge him. I don't feel any remorse or any guilt at killing him. I felt nothing over the fact, relief mostly that he was finally gone. The monster to my nightmares was never coming back. 

I have been feeling funny over the last few days also. The Moon Goddess's words ringing in my ears over how strong and powerful me and my wolf were. Since killing Joey his Alpha statues and power were passed down to me. When I had shut the link to Preston and the pack I felt the power behind it and knew that's why Preston hasn't been able to break through. At any other time he would have gotten through, somehow but by this newly found power he couldn't. I was technically an Alpha and mated with an original Alpha, the strength that combined that put any werewolf to shame. And that scared me.  

Though I have gotten over the battle and came to term with everything there I haven't come to term with what the Moon Goddess has told me. She told me that mine and Preston's pack was going to be the largest and most powerful. Leading so many werewolves scared me; I wasn't ready for a leadership role. I don't think I will ever be, I'm too young and too new at this werewolf thing to lead. There are werewolves out there who are hundreds of years old, who know more than I do, those are the type of werewolves people want to listen and obey, not some eighteen year old girl who hasn't even shifted yet.