Hiding My Heart

Chapter 23

The next day I found myself sitting in our house attic. Brayden went off to work about an hour ago; mom was in her room passed out. I have been thinking about her little rant since she first gave it, it made me realize that she was hiding something. And maybe, just the attic held some of those secrets. 

We haven't been up here since the day Joey left. He left one box and mom had brought it up here. She wouldn't tell us what was in it of course, but that's because my siblings didn't care enough to ask and she was drunk off her mind at the time. But now, now I wanted to know what was in it, if it held some sort of clue. I'm not sure why it would, but I just had this gut instinct telling me to find it and search through it. 

So now with Brayden out of the house and my mom passed out I seized this golden opportunity. Going up the rickety steps I make it to the landing, flipping the switch on. The room was fairly large and filled almost up to the ceiling with old boxes. There was a large amount of dust covering the floor and every surface there was. Sighing I got to work in looking into the boxes. 

Finding a relatively clean spot on the floor I grabbed the closest box and went through it. Finger painting, old homework that says' great job', a lot of pictures that were drawn that say To my mommy. My breath catches in my throat as I look at the pictures. This is one of my boxes, the things that I made for mom in kindergarten.  

I breathe in deep as I remove the Christmas ordinance that I had made for her, the failed pottery bowl that I painted and carved 'I love Mommy' in the side. The rag doll I made for her, the hand print that formed a turkey for thanksgiving. Everything from kindergarten was here in this box. Tears formed my eyes as I read through the journal I was given that year to record my school work. Every entry told the teacher how much I looked up to my mom and how much I loved her. Not wanting to remember the past I shove the box away and grab onto another one. 

No luck, it only held sheets and bedspreads. Shoving that one away I grab another one and open it. Papers were thrown inside, all repeating the same word, Mine. Nothing else, just that one word. This went on for about an hour, me looking through boxes, some held Brayden's and Natalie's school work, Halloween decorations, Christmas decorations, others just sheets or bedspreads. I didn't even make a dent in the pile of boxes, there was so much that I never thought I would find the one box that mattered. I would have thought that it would have been one of the first ones, unless she buried it under all the other ones to keep it hidden. 

"What are you doing up here?" A voice says from behind me making me jump, the doll I was holding dropping into the teacup set. 

Turning I see my mom standing by the door, a blanket wrapped around her, her hair wild and frizzy, a frown on her face. 

"I-I-" I start, swallowing and trying to tell my heart to calm down. 

"You know that the attic is off limits." She says her face blank as she looks at the boxes I went through. 

"Sorry, I was just looking for," I look down and grab the doll I held a moment earlier. "My old dolls, one of my friends' sisters birthday is coming up, and I don't have enough money to go buy her a gift." I explain grabbing the dolls in my hand and turning back to her, "And then I remembered all my old toys in the attic that I could give to her instead since I don't need them anymore." I ramble on holding the dolls close to my beating chest. She looks at the dolls then to my face then back to the boxes. 

"Is that all?" her grave voice asks. 

"Of course," I said firmly. 

"Why didn't you ask me if you could come up here? You were making a lot of noise." She says rubbing her temples.