HERS..
DAMN!
Fucking pride! Kinain ako ng buhay. I believe him naman talaga. It's just that kinakain ako ng insecurities ko and ng doubts na bigla nalang nabuo sa isip ko.
I've never doubted his love for me and nakakaasar lang kasi bigla kong naiisip yung mga ganitong bagay.
The first time I saw the picture, I know that it's not true. Yes, it is him but I know that mali lang yung angle nung kumuha. We were texting that night and he's sending me random pictures of him and his friends.
He even said that they're on their way home already then after ilang munutes, a picture of him with a girl was tagged to me in twitter. Lahat kami nagulat dahil dun. Some of my teammates got mad but some said na issue lang yun and baka hindi totoo.
Even the caption of the picture, alam kong hindi totoo and issue lang yun. But what made me mad was the bad comments about him. I wanted to defend him but I can't. There's this part of me that been bugging me to not believe him.
He's been calling me non stop after that pero hindi ko siya sinasagot kasi naiinis ako.
People have been putting words to his mouth for days and he did not mind them. Wala kasi talaga siyang pakialam sa sasabihin ng iba. Pero ako meron, ayoko kasing siraan siya ng kung sino sino ng hindi siya lumalaban man lang. Naasar ako dahil hinahayaaan niya lang na ganunin siya.
Everyday, he apologizes to me for something that we all know na hindi niya magagawa. Days went by and still hindi ko pa din siya kinakausap or pinapansin kahit sinabi niya sa 'kin yung side niya and marami nang nagsasabi na pakinggan ko siya. Pero may pumipigil talaga sa akin.
I saw bruises on his face but I did not bother to ask where he got it or even cure it. Gustong gusto kong gamutin siya pero nananaig yung inis. I know that our parents did it to him kasi my dad informed me agad of what happened, and he apologized to me for hurting Aly, pero ang nasa isip ko lang that time is karma niya yun.
Hindi ako galit sa kanya. Galit ako sa situation namin. Ang dami na kasing naninira sa kanya, sa kung anong meron kami. Maraming nag-compare samin nung girl ang I have to admit. I felt threatened.
Natakot ako.
Bumalik yung time na pinagselosan ko si Laura at yung mga times na nagkakatampuhan kami dahil sa selos.
What if he realizes that there are a lot of women better than me? Yung mas bagay sa kanya. I've never been insecured in my whole life but after seeing the photo na nag-viral na parang hinahalikan niya yung babae, natakot ako.
Takot yung namamayani sa puso ko. I can't fully open my mind to believe him and to listen to him.
When he left and told me that he'll give me the time that I needed to think things through, I broke down. It felt like I was awaken from a nightmare but still the nightmare's in front of me, slowly becoming reality. Para akong binuhusan ng katotohanan na ang tagal ko ding idineny sa isip ko.
Ako yung mali.
Naging OA ako.
Nagagalit ako for no reason.
Ang babaw ng rason na pwede naming pag-usapan pero sinarado ko yung isip at tenga ko.
I wasn't able to stop myself from crying and blaming myself for everything that's happening. I tried calling him agad after a few moments but his line's busy. Hindi naman ako nagpapigil sa pagtawag sa kanya. I was crying while trying to call him, realizing that I was completely wrong and that I can't lose him. Ang bipolar kasi minsan ng mood ko eh, maski ako hindi ko din maintindihan yung sarili ko.
