Belated Happy Birthday po ulit BlossomLapuz5! :)
HIS...
Waking up next to someone you love...relaxing as in super relaxing.
But waking up beside someone you love on a hospital bed...hehe ibang usapan.
Ang gudto kong mornings sana yung yakap ko si Den or nasa pagitan namin yung anak namin.
Anak.
Baby.
I want a baby.
I want to hug my baby.
I want our family to be complete.
Pero paano kung may sakit ako?
Gagaling pa naman ako di ba?
Kaya ko pa naman di ba?
Hindi naman ako mamatay right?
Ang hirap um-oo sa lahat ng tanong na yan. Who knows naman ba kasi kung anong mangyayari sa buhay natin? God knows kaya we have to believe in him. As in full trust on him. He is the greatest and his will be done.
Though I am praying na sana gumaling talaga ako. I'm too young to die. Ayoko pang mamatay. Marami pa aoong gustong gawkn sa buhay ko.
Naramdaman kong biglang may tumulong luha galing sa mata ko and wow first thing in the morning imbes na ngumiti, naluha ako.
I am fighting. Still fighting and hopefully win this war. I want to spend the rest of my life with Dennise and our future babies.
Yes BABIES, gusto ko marami walang basagan ng trip hehe pero sana talaga gumaling na muna ako.
Nakakaasar lang because our trip had to be cut short because of me. Because of the pain that I'm feeling. Because I am sick. Totally because of me. Ang KJ ko. Ang KJ ng sakit ko.
Madalas naiisip kong sana mamatay na ako para hindi na kami nahihirapan pare pareho. Na sana hindi ko na lang pinakasalan si Dennise. Sana ako na lang yung namatay agad and hindi si Appa. I wish I could turn back time.
Madalas din I pity myself. I'm so weak. Pabigat ako sa pamliya ko. Pabigat ako sa lahat ng tao. Ayokong maawa sila sakin kasi mas naaawa ako sa sarili ko.
Maybe all these feelings are part of being sick. Ganito siguro nararamdaman ng mga taong ma malubhang sakit or people na nasa terminal stage na. Yung tipong gusto kong humawak pero gusto ko na rin bumitaw.
That feeling na susuko na ako pero hindi ko kayang iwan siya. I can't live without her but if living like this would meant hurting her in the process then I don't want to live anymore.
I want a future with her. I want to grow old with her.
To be honest I have really bad dreams. Tragic na parang totoong nangyayari sa buhay ko. Natatakot ako. Sobrang natatakot na baka magkatotoo.
