Finding Me Through You

Decoy Man

I came home with a smile on my face.

I opened the door with my mother standing right before me with her arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed.

Wow, she looks irritated. I wonder what I did this time.

"Kathryn Chandria Manuel Bernardo." Mother said with authority.

Uh-oh.

I smiled at her innocently as if I didn't know what's happening. Well technically, I really don't know what's happening.

"What did you do to your best friend?" My mom sounded irritated.

Crap!

I forgot I had conflict with Juls. I rushed upstairs to my room. As I was running up the stairs my mom added, "she didn't want to leave without resolving you two's misunderstanding!"

"Thanks ma!" I yelled back to my mother.

I opened the door and found Julia standing outside my terrace. The breeze slowly and peacefully rocking her hair back.

I walked slowly to her.

"Hey bes." I almost whispered.

She turned to face me quickly after realizing I was there.

"Oh, you're back." She replied while staring at me.

I stood next to her and leaned on the ledge of my terrace.

"So listen, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted earlier. It's cause, I'm so tired of people looking at me and treating me like I'm some damsel in distress." I slowly said in a hum.

"I guess I just had it with people telling me to just forget about Quen. Believe me I want to. That's all I wanna do right now, to forget him. Forget everything we ever were. You know, to ease the pain?" I continued.

"That won't ever happen though, because whether we like it or not he's part of my past, he was a big influence in my life and I can't just snap him away forever. I guess what I'm trying to say is, although he's hurt me, I can live my life knowing he'll never be a part of it anymore."

"And I honestly just wish that everyone else can see that my life doesn't revolve around my feelings and emotions towards Quen. There are other things in life I worry about, not just him. And I don't know, I just hate how he's always the gateway to every topic that deals with me."

"I can't do this because of Quen, I can't like that because of Quen. I might get hurt again just like with Quen. I mean I know you guys are just looking out for me but I seriously don't need to hear how he broke my heart and played me every single time I tell you guys something."

"And I'm sorry I took it out on you, because I was just frustrated that you of all people bring it up on a daily. And I know that, you of all people other than my mom, should know that I'm better than letting a guy like Quen define how to live my life or what my worth is in this world."

Silence filled the chilled environment.

"You're free to talk now Juls." I added to break the awkward tension.

She was looking out over the busy city, but peaceful breezes surrounded us.

"Kath," she whispered with eyes closed.

"Yeah?" I worriedly replied.

"You talk to much." She said with a hint of grin and eyes still closed.

I looked at her and nudged her causing the both of us to laugh and hug.

She and I did the handshake I did with Diego. Our band only knows the handshake. I guess it's the official badge of proof that you're actually one of us.