Finding Me Through You

Murder, I wrote.

I told Kathryn I killed her.

I also told her I wasn't in complete love with Din. That's a lie. I loved her more than I loved myself. She was living proof that there were greater things in this world to hold on to.

The story behind it was that I was in complete love with her.

Yeah some might say I'm too young to feel love but in my opinion no one can ever be too young or too old to be in or feel love.

It's the matter of maturity when dealing with it which makes people say I'm "too young."

I say bullshit.

If a person feels a deep admiration towards another, no opinion should matter but yours and theirs.

That's a different story, I'm here to tell you about Dindin and I. And how I "killed her."

Now I know what everyone's thoughts are, "what do you mean murder?"

Well, I did murder her.

Emotionally which caused her to die physically.

I loved her, I truly did.

Whenever I got super upset she was the one I ran to. She told me everything I wanted to know. Everything I wanted to hear.

It was great but I doubted my feelings.

Not because I loved her no longer but it was the pressure of my responsibilities. It wouldn't be fair to her to have only half of me while the other is off somewhere else fulfilling the dreams my parents wanted for me.

I never told her what I exactly felt about my current dilemma. I guess this is where the maturity stepped in.

I was young, I was immature. But one thing I knew was for sure, I loved her.

I didn't want to keep lying to her, telling her that I was busy doing stuff because I thought she would tell me that I was focused more on that than her.

My thoughts at night nearly killed me or drove me past insanity.

Her parents even told me to lay off on all of the affection because she was forgetting about her studies.

I noticed it too, she even quit playing volleyball so she could spend more time with me.

And if it's something you should know about Din is that her first ever love wasn't me. It was the game of volleyball.

So I did what any young, immature, and dumb teenager would as a sign of cry in regards to these situations.

I started to play with her emotions so that she could break up with me.

I didn't have the heart to end relations with her and believe me when I say this, it hurt me more than it probably hurt her.

It was quite easy to do what I was doing. She was so understanding. Maybe that's why it hurt me even more so because I lied to her and I could hear the disappointment in her voice.

I used to tell her I was at a meeting when really, I cancelled that meeting and made sure some of her friends knew I was out doing activities with my friends. Most of those times I made sure they knew women were involved.

Although beautiful women were involved, the only thing that actually would make me happier was sitting next to the most beautiful one, sharing laughs and creating memories with her. Instead, here I am with these girls and all I am thinking about is the bloodshot eyes and sniffles nose Din is probably doing.