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Chapter 20

"You never told me how it went with Joey the other day." Billie says as he rolls over in bed, his arms wrap around me. I sigh taking a deep breath, I haven't even thought about it myself.

"It was, fine we both admitted we were wrong and moved on from the grudges we had on each other. It isn't back to normal though." I just look Billie in the eye, I'm not lying because that is true but I'm still trying to wrap my head around the other part of it.

"well that's good at least, do you know any reason why he was absolutely shattered last night?" Billie stares into my eyes as I pick at my fingernails with nerves, I can't admit it to myself so how am I going to say it to Billie?

"It's complicated, I don't know how to say it and heck I don't really want too." I pull myself out of Billies grip and walk away, I can't handle this right now. I need to clear my head, I need Mike and I need Mike now.

How could I not see this, I feel so stupid and the worst part is before I was a major slut I would have been with Joey. I'm sleeping with my best friends dad while they both like me, I feel like the worst person in the world and no wonder Joey was so beaten when I was also sleeping with his best friend. He can not find out about Billie and I, it will kill him.

I slam the car door shut and reverse out the drive way, I head straight to Mikes because I know he'll be able to help me. Mike is my rock, he help me through everything and right now I need him more than ever. No matter what I do I'm going to hurt Billie or Joey, not that I'm going to drop Billie for Joey or anything but I will have to admit the issue to him. My life is a down wards spiral.

As soon as Mikes house comes into view my blood rushes to my head, this isn't good. I lock the car and jog up the drive way, I press the intercom and wait. Without any warning the door opens, I guess he just knew it was argent. I bolt up the stairs and into the lounge, I see Mike and just burst into tears. I never cry like this. Arms wrap around my body and hold me, I can smell Mike and it slightly calms me. He picks me up and sits me on the couch and just hugs me. I look into his eyes and see concern, he rans his hands through my hair as if I was a little kid. I've never had a parent figure in my life apart from Mike, Tre and Billie which makes me feel worse because I'm sleeping with on, the other hit on me and Mike seems to be the only one who will remain to hold the parent title.

"Ryan, it's ok. Calm down, whatever happened can be fixed. You're strong and I know you can get through anything, so what happened because I know from a fact it involves Billie otherwise you'll be with him and not me." Mike is the time of guy that gets straight to the point when it's necessary, this is one of those times. I just have trouble finding the words to explain this whole thing.

"I went to see Joey a few days ago, it was fine until he said something before I went to meet with you guys. I didn't understand it at first but I realised why Joey as been a dick to me, I just can't tell Billie about it." I sob, I'm at the lowest of lows right now. Mike wipes my tears and I just continue to let them roll down my face.

"Ok, what is it that you can't tell Billie? You know Billie with be there for you no matter what. It can't be that bad Ry." Mike is so sincere, I need to suck it up and actually let Mike help me. I'm crying over his best friend and god son, I'm lucky he cares for me enough to help.

"Mike, I was coming home to Joey at all hours after sleeping with guys and his best friend while he waited for me to make sure I was ok and safe. I rubbed my relationships in his face while he kept his feeling for me secret, this whole time Joey liked me and I just slept with random guys in his bed a few times. I fucked his best friend while he was a few metres away, I've been sneaking of with his dad and also I completely hated him for being upset with me. I would be upset with me too if I was him, I'm surprised he lasted this long because if I was in his shows I would've left him a long time ago. The worst part is the fact that Joey can never know about Billie, Billie can't know about Joey's feelings and I'm stuck knowing that I'm going to hurt Joey or I'm going to have to hurt Billie." This is one big mess I don't want to handle, I can't leave Billie but I can't have Joey find out about us and him walk out of my life forever. This is shit.

"Ryan honey, there's is nothing you can do. It's Joey's fault for not telling you sooner, you didn't know so you can't feel guilty and Billie will understand completely. No one will love you less, just continue with your life babe and everything will be fine. Even if Joey finds out about Billie, he is your best friend and if he runs of than he isn't a person you should keep around. You are all family to me and no matter what I'll love you all, you just need to be honest with Billie and he'll help you."