She

Chapter 26

I'm on the roof, come up and we can hang.
-Seb is sexy xx

I wiggle out of Billies grip, he's a heavy sleeper thank god. I don't worry about putting on proper clothes, it 2 in the morning and I'm going to be on the roof. No one is going to see me. I carefully close the door behind me and run to the stairs, I'm scared of walking around at night. I push open the door to the roof and see Seb sitting on the edge, guitar next to him and cigarette in his hand. I take a seat next to him and he holds my hand.

"Couldn't sleep?" I ask looking at him but his eyes don't leave the ground below, he put the cigarette and inhales it but his other hand reaches into his make pocket and hand me a piece of paper.

"I've been writing." He shrugs and I read the lyric, they are the cutest thing I've ever heard. I adore Seb so much and this makes me adore him even more, it's sweet and so beautiful.

"These are so cute Seb, oh my god." I sit down beside him and cuddle into his side, the air is cold, breeze freezing and only thing keeping me warm is the heat from Seb. "I'm a bad person Seb."

"No you're not, don't say that." He takes his hand and intertwines our fingers, I can't hide The fact that everything I do is unfaithful and will hurt someone I love. The guilt is horrible but for some reason everyone just forgives me but Joey doesn't, he holds a grudge and that's why I'm so scared. I've gone to far this time.

"I kissed you the other night Seb, When I should have been with Billie. Im a whore who will do anything for some affection, I constantly have to me with someone and if I'm not then I'll get drunk and high. The worst part is, is the fact that right now I want to kiss you and I want you to take me back to your room so we can cuddle and be cute together. I can't help myself, a few days ago all I wanted was Billie but just days later I don't want Billie I want someone new." My hand run over his thighs and I'm doing it again, I want someone new but realise the next day that they aren't anything like Billie.

"You know that I'll never make you do something you don't want to but I also won't stop you from doing what you want. If you want to kiss me than do it because I want it just as much as you." My brain is screaming at me to go back to be with Billie but my heart is pulling me towards Seb. "I'm going to kiss you Ryan because I know that it won't count as you cheating because I made the first move, the same as the other night."

"No don't, I can't do this anymore. I can't be here, I need to go. I need to be alone, I can't be surrounded by all of you anymore. I'm done, I'm going home and you not going to tell anyone. I am sorry Seb but I can't, I'm telling everyone the truth and then I'm going to leave without saying a word to anyone." Tears pour done my face, right now I just want to jump of this building and die because I can't live like this anymore.

Seb reaches for me but I run, I run and don't look back. I grab everything out of my room and toss it in my suitcase, I can't. I'm not one to run but I need to find myself, I know something bad will happen if I don't do this.  I pull my hair into a bun and open the door where Seb stands.

"I'm coming with you." I shake my head and push past him, he slams me against the wall making Billie stir. "I'm coming with you Ryan, I'm not letting you go alone." His dust hit the wall as he cries but I don't say a thing. "You fucking bitch, you were going to leave without saying good bye. We are family and you were just going to leave, this isn't what meant my needing a break."

"It's easier that way."

"Fuck you, your boyfriend is right there and I know damn well he loves you more than anything, your best friend is in the next room crying his eyes out because he thinks he lost you, you family are surrounding you, they have done everything and you're just going to leave. I was wrong about you." He throws the nearest thing down the hall and walks off. I fall down the wall and cry, I have to do this.

"Ryan." As he say my name my heart drops, I look back into my room and see Billie starting to wake up. Tears stream down my face as I walk towards him, I fall to my knees beside my bed and rest my hand one his face.

"I love you Billie Joe Armstrong, so much that I have to let you go. You mean the world you me baby but I can't hurt you anymore, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Beej, I'll see you soon. You and the boys will finish this tour and you'll be happy living the life you wanted too. I love you baby and I'll see you in a few months when youre happy and have moved on. You are my world Billie but I don't want my world to be hurting anymore. I love you 1000000 times over and I never got to tell you that." I kiss him for the last time before he fully wakes up and realised it wasn't a dream. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, you have no idea how fucking much this hurts but at the same time it'll hurt less that staying here.

"I love you too."

The whisper that I'll never forget.