She

Chapter 25

Having to act like that I'm with Mike is so awkward, I have to be all over him in front of the guy I'm actually with and honestly I feel bad but I get the best sex every night because of Billies jealousy. Tonight it going to be different, we are on the bus and Joey is on the bus with us to meet up with Emily's army- i mean SWMRS. I'm going to have to share a bed with Mike, Joey is already suspicious since he hasn't even seen Mike and I kiss. This is fucked,damn you Mike for thinking we could get away with lying even more.

Right now I'm sitting on Mikes lap as we all talk, his hands run over my hip bones as I try and keep a straight face, Billie is in the corner smoking a blunt with Tre. Joey is talking to Mike and I feel like it's the perfect time to make this thing look real, I make eye contact with Billie and he shrugs. He told me last night that I can do what I have to do to keep us a secret but always remember that I'm his. I slowly turn and kiss Mikes cheek, this feels wrong but oddly enjoyable at the same time. Mike moves my face and kisses my shoulder, a chair scraps across the floor and Billie stands up and leaves the room. I don't get off mike, I should but I can't. His lips are rougher than Billies, his tall lanky body doesn't do anything for me. Mike pulls away and I stand up and get the fuck out, I fucking hate this.

"I can't do this." I mumble under my breath, I hope no one heard me. I can't keep doing this, it physically hurts. I slam the bathroom door and look at myself in the reflection, what is wrong with me? I look like I've aged 10 year, my eyes are dark and my hair looks dry. I'm stressed. I run my hand over my stomach and feel so bloated, I hate these guys. They all have to come after me, intentionally or unintentionally.

There's a knock on the door and Mike walks in, I cry for like the tenth time this week and I can't stop. I hate it, I absolutely hate it. I love Billie like a lover, I love Mike like a dad, I love Tre like a big brother and I love Joey like a friend. I can't chose which one to make happy, I have to be honest but I don't know where to go. Seb, Cole and Max are going to be here any minute and I can't keep this secret much longer. I need to tell someone else, I need someone from the outside to know about this.

"Hey it's ok, I'm sorry but it's better then him finding out about you and Billie. Now look at me." I tilt my head up and look him dead in the eye. "We love you no matter what." He kisses my forehead and leaves, can someone just kill me?

"Ry?" I look over my shoulder and see Seb, I'm not in the mood for his fun and outgoing energy. "Want to come out for a joint? everyone else are feeling sorry for themselves or are boring." You know what fuck it, I need to relax and Seb is the perfect person to do that with.

"I'm in." He takes my hand and we sneak out the back, on the way I grab a bottle of gin. If I'm going to let loose than I'm going to go for it, none of this weak shit. We find a spot away from the packed bus, it's like an abandoned tunnel under a little hill. I lay down a take a swing of the bottle as Seb lights a joint, the fucking life.

I take it from between his lips and take a drag, for hours we just sit and drink, we talk for hours. Drunk and high the con vocations get deep. "You miss your party life?"

"Yeah, it was drama free but I also like this now. Can I tell you a secret?" I giggle and Seb nods "I've had everyone in that bus like or kiss me, apart from you and Cole. I've even fucked two, I can't believe it." I laugh but because I'm so angry at myself, I can tell Seb know how much of a wreak I am."

"Max and Mike?" He looks at me like it's common knowledge but as soon as i shake my head it clicks, his jaw drops. "Oh honey, not Billie." His arm wraps around me, and he smile with a cigarette between his lips.

"We fucked and it was great, we've been going at it for months but things are getting serious and it scares me. We are kind of official but we act like we are just fuck buddies more than half of the time, this is longest I've been if one guy. The fun is slowly dying, it's more just like sex and we've run out of weird places to do it. We sneak around and I love it but now with this Joey thing it's hard." I take a sip of alcohol, Seb takes a drag and blows it in my face. I laugh taking one myself and leaning in really close to Seb, I pull down his chin so is mouth opens and blew the smoke into his mouth as he inhales it.

"It's only Cole." He says and as soon as what he just said clicks Seb presses his lips again mine, I melt into the kiss and for once there isn't a care in the world. "You need to get away from everyone for a while, live again and tell everyone who doesn't agree to fuck off. I'm going to show you a good time, every time a tour lines up in taking you out."

"I appreciate that Seb, you're my bestest friend in the whole wide world. I need a best friend like who. I'm not having sec with Billie for a while, I'll wait until we are dying for each others touch." I laugh once again running my hands through Sebs hair.

"Sounds like a plan, I'll see you tomorrow for round 2."