She

Chapter 28

There's a knock on my front door, I automatically think it's the maid. She come this time every morning and cleans on the mess I courses the night before. I feel bad for her and I do try to help but I can't live a proper day knowing what I've done. I unlock the door but to my surprise I'm not greeted by the same women I am every morning, it's a man. I step outside and close the door behind me do he can't see the state of my little cottage cabin. He looks down at me with sad eyes and once again they make me feel pitiful, he sighs scratching the back of his head.

"You're one week is up, we have another person coming in tomorrow morning so we need you out my lunch time today so we have time to clean up. You are always welcome to come back but you need to book in advance this time." He hands me a slip of paper and walks away, well so much for me making a little home for myself.

I crumple the paper and throw it across the room, am I going to have to do this every few days for a few months? If so than I can't take this anymore. One week has been enough. I toss everything back into my suitcase, call a cab and just leave without saying a word, I walk to the main road and wait for some random stranger to pick me up and take me home before I figure at where to go next. It a risky move going home, for all I know Billie may have not gone back on tour but it's his dream and I know nothing can stop him from performing... Not even me.

The taxi pull up and I get in, handing him my address he pulls out on to the highway and head straight into the direction on my house. I look out the back window and watch as the lady who everyday picked me up and prepared me for the rest of the day. I need to say thank you to her, I may head back one day and visit. I couldn't just leave without saying thank you, but in a way I did.

The house comes into view and I take a deep breathe, the house looks empty. The taxi pulls into the drive and i grabs me things, pay the driver and leave. There are no paparazzi out front, I couldn't dare to look and see what the new gossip was. Step my step I make my way to the house, I slide open the back door and it's silent. Looking around my heart races, this is my home and I don't to leave. I lay my suit case on the lounge room floor and run to Billies room, I lay on his side of the bed and cry for what seems like days. I cuddle his pillow and cry until there's nothing left. I run out of tears but the sound of misery echoes through the room.

I gaze over at the dresser and see photos of Billie and I back stage, some of the boys, Jakob and Joey but mainly just the four of us at parties or in the studio messing around. We all looked so happy. The past year I've changed my whole life because of Billie and it scares me, I've dropped my whole life for him and I don't regret it but it scares the living daylights out of me. Billie means the world to me but if we breakup than I'm left with nothing, I don't want that to happen. I'm so fucking selfish.

I grab on of Billies shirts out of his wardrobe and hold it close to my chest, I walk down stairs to the kitchen and notice the read light flashing on the answering machine. I click the button, I shouldn't but I did.

"Ryan, Its Mike. Stay safe honey, I'm not mad that you left but I need you to take care of yourself. I miss you Ry, we all do. I hope you get this soon, call me. Just let me know your ok, send a pigeon if you have to but please just tell us your ok."

"You're my everything Babe, I love you so much. I need you, please Ry. I don't know where you are, I hurts not knowing if your ok. I thought you leaving was a nightmare but it wasn't, I love you so much and I'm not mad that you left but I'm upset in myself that I can't protect you. I miss you so much beautiful."

"Hey it's your favourite uncle, I've ran out of clothes and need your help. I miss you Ryan, I hope you're doing well. I miss your hugs and I've got I big one ready when you decide to come back. We love you Ry and miss your stupid face. Love always Mr Tre Cool."

"It me again, I don't know why I'm calling again because I know your not home but maybe it's because it an excuse for me to talk to you even if you're not there. I truly do love you, I haven't slept for who knows how long. I had to cancel my first ever show because I had a mental breakdown on stage, you never hurt me Ryan but you are now. Joey knows, he hates me but only because I let you leave. The boy left us and decided to go on without us, Joey and Seb aren't talking because they all blame Seb. He got to say goodbye and know one else did, they'll get over it though and become best friends again. I love you babe."

"It's Mike. It has been a week Ryan, I don't want to upset you but Billie is of the rails. You need to at least call him, you have no idea what he's like at the moment. I've never seen him this bad, Ryan please call me. ."