She

Chapter 31

"Yeah I'm ok dad, I miss you too."

I left my head of the pillow and look over at Jakob, he looks at me with sad eyes and sits next to me. I rest my head on Jakob's shoulder so I can hear what Billie says, he hear his soft breathing in the other.

I take the phone of Jakob's ear and hold it to mine, I listen to his voice but don't take in anything he's saying. It just comforting, Jakob watching me with a smile. He wraps his arm around my shoulders as I'm zoned out completely, it's so soothing and I feel like I should fall to sleep. I miss him so much, I miss everything about him; his black soft hair, his sweet pink lips, his warm hugs and the way he treats me. I miss him so much I can't handle it.

"Jake, you there?"

I freeze and Jakob grip tightens, I want to hand up but I want to confess my love to him. Seconds tick by and I start to panic, Jakob goes to take the phone of me but I refuse. Billie just continues to say Jakob's name but I can't say anything, I want to but I can't. Every inch of my is trying to let words out but they won't come. Silent tears poor down my face and I struggle for a steady breathe.

"Beej." It comes out as whisper through tear, Jakob looks at me shocked and hold me tight wiping away my tears. My body start to shake as the anticipation of a reply from Billie takes over, time slows down and I resist the urge to scream.

"Ry! Ryan is that you? Babe listen, I love you so much ok please just stay safe." I hear the low huskiness in his voice, he's crying and my heart shatters. "Ryan say something please, anything just don't shut me out. I can't take it Ryan, the secrets out so why can't we be happy. I love you please." I hand the phone back to Jakob and stand up I walk to the kitchen and grab a glass of water.

"Dad I'm sorry." Jakob stand in the door way and watches me, he put the phone on speaker and all I can hear is Billie sobbing. I fall to the ground in tears and Jakob sits next to me. "I love you both but if this is the right thing that why are you both crying."

"Jakey, it's not like that honey. I can't do something she doesn't want, as much as I want her here and to be with me I can't force her into it. They say sometimes when you love someone so much you have to let them go, it hurts but if their happy you should be as well and that how love works." Billies voice cracks as he sobs hysterically, i open my blood shot eyes and punch the floor. I'm so weak, I hate it.

"Don't let me go." I sob. I'm pathetic and a pussy, I put on this tough act when really I'm nothing special. I take the phone of Jakob and just ball my tears out, I'm so fragile and vulnerable. "I love you, don't let me go."

"I will never let you go baby, never. This is going to be hard but we can get through it together, we can get through anything I promise." Billie stops crying, his voice soft. I get so worked up I start to hiccup, I wipe away the snot and tears dripping down my face with my sleeve. It's so gross, I look like an absolute mess.

"Where are you?" I mumble hoping I can catch the next flight to him, I stand up running over to my suitcase and picking it up. I pull it to Billies room and dumping my dirty washing on the floor, Billie is still silent and I start to get concerned. "Billie?"

"Not close enough." Jakob watches me in shock as I run around the room dumping clothes in the suitcase, I open the underwear drawer and pretty much tip the whole thing in there. "Ry, what are you doing? What is that noise?"

"I'm coming to you." I zip up the suit case and toss the dirty washing in the basket next to the door, I pull of my shirt not caring if Jakob sees and pull on Billie White Ramones top.

"There's no need." I hear something downstairs, I look at Jakob and he just shrugs his shoulders. Maybe it was the wind or I'm imagining it, it's possible I left a window open or the paparazzi are outside.

"What do you mean 'there's no need'?" I huff tying up my laces, I get frustrated and clench my fists. Billie is acting weird, Jakob isn't saying anything and I can't even do up my own fucking laces. What's wrong with me? Everything apparently.

"I don't know, ask Jakob." I turn to ask Jakob but he isn't there, I step into the hall and he is no where to be scene. Slowly I walk down the stairs just last down at my feet but when I reach the bottom I look up and jump 10 feet in the air. I fall to the ground crying but I get bundled up into a tight grip. "There's no need, I'm right here."

He places I small kiss on my cheek just carries me, I look into his beautiful eyes thinking this is just a dream but no he's really here. I ran my hands through his hair and take everything in, his smell, the way he feels and his voice. I should have never left because him being here is the most happiness I've had since I left. He is everything to me.

"Why are you here? You're meant to be working. I love you so much." I squeeze him tight and never want to let go, he's still in his clothes that he wears on stage and still smells of sweat. How is he here?

"Left a voicemail, I left blue and I wanted an excuse to check again if you were here. It's the week off babe, remember you organised us to have the week of because it's the birthday week." Billie laughs kissing my nose and tucking my hair behind my ear.

"You guys really do love each other."