Chasing Love

Part 3: What now?

He was my awakening. After three years of dating, I don't know exactly why I ended things. Shivam meant a lot to me and after a few bitter months of single life we continued our relationship but in the form of friendship. I did love him and I really thought I was doing the right thing. I know no one will understand this but with him I always felt something is missing. Like something exciting. Things were so easy with him. Like the first time I kissed him, I always imagined that kissing the guy that I really like or love will feel .... amazing. And while kissing him was one of my most favourite things to do, I never found my spark. 

But he was a great boyfriend. He was always ready to spend time with me even if it meant that I had to do grocery shopping for mom. He was always there. He made me laugh and smile all the time. It was easy to talk to him about anything, he always listened. And yes, he knew the real me very well. I guess that is why being best friends with him after our breakup made me really happy. I never really missed the physical part of our relationship or the romance either and I thought I was doing well. 

I always imagined the love of my life as this particular person and Shivam did not fit in it. And that day, when I saw him getting engaged, I had a crazy feeling. Like something wrong was happening and I had to stop it from happening. This feeling inside my gut that made me go to the stage and make a complete fool of myself. Then I saw him rooted to the same spot and I realized, he had chosen her not me. All I could think of doing was run and so I ran.

Getting back to my apartment which I shared with my boyfriend, Anshul, I realized that I in just a few moments ruined my life. Anshul was going to find out about this somehow and he will leave me and Shivam will go ahead and get married. 

As I was lying on the couch with my third bag of potato chips and god knows which can of beer, the bell rang. Great. Last thing I wanted was to let someone see me in this state. Mentally hoping that Anshul wasn't back from his tour early, I made my way to the door. Opening to find Anidhi and Sanya looking shocked to see me like this and bags of food in their arms. Ugh. I  was planning to start dieting this month!

Neither of us said a word and they came in.

  "What is that smell?"  Anidhi asked. I realized in hunger I forgot to throw away the chicken tikka, Anshul and I had ordered  three nights ago.  I was is no state to think like a sane person for a second so I just sprayed my Chanel.5 perfume all around it. 

"Here." I threw the perfume for her to catch and Sanya looked at me like I was an alien or something. 

"What do you want me to do with?" Anidhi asked with a confused expression on her face.

"It will help."

I knew I was being ridiculous but can you blame me ? Most people I know were present at Shivam's engagement party. And I was beyond humiliated. I was now just hoping this does not go to Anshul's ears somehow, who was gone on some company tour at the moment and wasn't going to be back until next month. He had left so many missed calls since yesterday and I just did not know how to talk to him.

  "Geez, it's like something died." Sanya complained. 

 "Something did."  I answered. 

"What?" Sanya asked.

  "I did."  And before I knew it tears were flowing from my eyes endlessly. I am sure those two would have told me what  a drama queen I am at my answer but my crying lead them  to look at me with pity in their eyes and confusion on the rest of their faces. I loved these two so much. They were always there. We were best friends since forever and I have been a drama queen just as long but they were always there for me no matter what, with food and words of comfort, occasionally kicking the ass of the person causing distress.