Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

So Three Blondes Walk Into A Liquor Store

So CC, Robyn, and I were hiding out from everyone in the basement. Ana was still helping with dinner and since Ashley won't burn the the house, she was helping. When we came downstairs Morgan was making some undermining comments towards to husband about his hair and choice of makeup. I'm secretly hoping that Rikki has killed him because if we weren't fighting I would've killed Morgan for talking to my husband like that.

CC, Robyn, and I are downstairs playing cards, as in are teaching our niece how to play poker. We're using little blocks as chips and as it stands right now Robyn is somehow winning.

About halfway through our forth game someone walks downstairs the stairs and we look up. Our mother is standing at the foot of the stairs.

"Bruce, Bianca, what the hell are you doing down here?" She asks.

"What does it look like, Ma? " I ask. "We're playing cards."

"And I'm about ready to play with Uncle Rikki, Uncle Bobby, and Uncle Bret." Robyn states and my twin and I laugh.

"Why aren't you upstairs socializing? Pete was really excited to see you two again." Mom says.

"He didn't really like me in high school, ma." CC states. "He's gonna hate me now."

"As for me, well, I'm not all that interested in the man that is going to be replacing my father." I say.

"Penny just got in from Queens, she's upstairs meeting everyone. You three are coming upstairs and that's final." She states and walks back up the stages.

I sigh and go cross eyed which makes my twin and niece laugh.

"No fights, Bee." CC says and I smile.

"No promises." I say and I stand up.

We walk upstairs and into the kitchen and I knew at that moment I should've stayed downstairs. Minus that part that my mother is acting like a love struck teenager I see something that simultaneously breaks my heart and pisses me off.

Penny Morgan being five five with brown hair and blue eyes is nearly sitting in my husband's lap. The worst part is Rikki isn't doing anything to stop it. This is just another fear realized. Even if Rikki and I make up when I get fat with the baby he could go chase after someone else who is skinny and not pregnant. I hate Penny and at this point I hate Rikki too.

I narrow my eyes and quickly walk into the kitchen. I know for a fact that my twin and his girlfriend just saw everything too because Ashley was standing at the bar window.

I start opening kitchen drawers as quickly as I can and slamming them shut again. Mom rearranged everything after dad died I guess. Ana comes up behind me and puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Bee, what are you looking for?" She wonders.

"A steak knife." I state and CC laughs from behind me.

"To what? Kill your husband with?" He asks.

"Nope. To kill the whore with." I state.

"Easy, Bee." Ashley says from behind me.

Why should I go easy? My whole world is crashing down around me! My husband and I are fighting and he has turned to my slutty so to be step sister for comfort or some horse shit like that.

"Bee, don't do that to yourself." CC warns and I look back at him.

"Did I say that out loud?" I ask and he nods.

"You mutter when you're mad." He reminds me.

"I'm past mad, twin. I'm pissed off." I mumble.

"Bruce, Bianca." Is called from the dining room.

"Yeah!" We both yell back.

"Come in here." Mom tells us.

We walk over to the doorway and lean on opposite sides of of the doorway.

"Could you two please go down to the store and buy some more wine? I'd send Ashley with you Bruce but with her being pregnant and all....You're not pregnant are you, Bianca." She asks and I swear I saw Rikki's eyes grow but I'm probably wrong because of the whore who's sitting beside him.

"I'll go with CC." I say simply. "Hey Ana!" I yell back into the kitchen. "We're stealing your child."

"Okay." Ana says. "Baby, go get ready to go out with Aunt Bee and Uncle CC." She tells Robyn.

CC and I walk towards the door as Robyn runs into the foyer ready to go. We walk out to our driveway and get into our mother's car. I back out of the driveway and head off to the liquor store.

"I know nothing about wine so this will be fun." I say and CC laughs.

"I wonder if we put red food colouring in Jack Daniels if that counts as red wine." He laughs and I smile. "Hey half pint, what do you think of Nona's new boyfriend?"

"I don't like him. His bread is scratchy when he kisses me, Grandpa was never like that." Robyn says and I frown. "I miss Grandpa."

"Me too, Kiddo." I say quietly and CC frowns.

"Hey!" CC says excitedly after a few minutes. "I'm gonna ask Ashley to marry me tomorrow."

"Really?" I ask and he smiles.

"Gonna go talk to dad about it tonight after Ashley goes to bed. I'm going to use Nona's ring." He explains.

"Like our Nona's ring?" I ask and he nods.

"Awesome." I say and he smiles.

"I hope she says yes." CC admits. "I tried earlier but she wasn't taking me seriously."

"She will, twin." I say as we pull into the parking lot.

So this sounds like a really bad joke. Three blondes walk into a bar, one's pregnant, one's underaged in a sundress, and one dresses like a cheap hooker. Which one is male?

Anyways, we walk around the store to the wine section and CC just grabs a bottle at random. We wait in line for the check out and I squeeze Robyn's hand. I put my hand on my stomach and CC sighs.

"How are you holding up, Bee?" He asks and I sigh.

"I'm holding up." I say quietly.

"You're a really bad liar, Bianca." CC says. "Rikki loves you and there's no way in hell he'd get with Penny fucking Morgan."

"He was letting her flirt with him, CC." I say.

"If he breaks your heart I'll break his neck." My brother reminds me. "He's breaking your heart, isn't he?"

"Can we talk about something else?" I ask and he sighs.

"Yeah. Of course." CC says. "I think we should make everything an argument tonight with Coach."

"I think you're right." I say and he smiles.

"You and me against the world, right twiney?" He laughs.

"Got it right, C." I laugh.