Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

Prank War

I wish I could tell you how this all started, I honestly don't know. I blame my husband and my twin brother. I don't know what provoked this but I know how my husband decided to get me involved in this.

I woke up at like four o'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom. My idiotic husband taped a air horn behind the bathroom door where the handle hits the wall. That scared the hell out of me and Rikki thought it was funny.

I finish explaining the events of last night to Ashley and she looks at me shocked.

"That happened to you too?" She asks. "It happened to me a couple nights back, I just thought it was CC being an ass."

"You don't think they were in on all of this, do you?" I ask and she shrugs.

"I don't know what I think." Ashley admits and I cross my arms.

"Well I think we should just try something." I say and she smiles.

"What's going on in that twisted mind of yours?" She wonders and I smirk.

"All I'm saying is they can't pull them over on us forever and I think we should prove that to them." I say. "We'll start off simple and see if they retaliate."

"Okay what do we start with?" Ash wonders.

"CC's snakeskin boots, the ones that I love and he accuses me of stealing all the time." I say and she nods. "Put socks in the toe of them so he thinks they shrunk."

"What are you going to do to Rockett?" She asks and I smile.

"Clear nail polish on his soap." I say and she smiles.

"Sounds like a plan." Ashley agrees.

The next morning I'm sitting in the kitchen waiting for coffee to be ready. Rikki went to go take a shower when he woke up and I covered his soap with clear nail polish last night after he went to bed. I hear him walk downstairs and I smile. He walks into the kitchen and kisses my temple.

"Hey babe." I say and he leans against the counter.

"Hey baby girl, I had to shower with your soap." Rikki says.

"Is that why you smell like strawberries?" I ask with a laugh and he smiles.

"Why did you screw with my soap?" He wonders and I shrug.

"Why did you tape an air horn behind the bathroom door?" I ask and he smirks.

"This is far from over." Rikki states and kisses my nose.

"I'm fine with that." I say and he smiles.

"Then good luck, my love." He says and pecks my lips.

"You'll need it, babe." I mock and he smiles.

Later on that same day after Rikki got home from the studio we were in the living room, trying not to fall asleep on the couch. Rockett's children are making me tired or that's what I'm blaming.

"Are the kids moving a lot?" He wonders and puts his hand on my tummy.

"Yeah." I say quietly. "I think they're stealing my energy."

"Well probably, I mean there's two of them and only one of you." Rikki says. "You're eating, right?"

"It seems like that's all I'm doing, Rik." I sigh. "I'm a rugby player, I'm a healthy person but all I feel like I'm over eating."

"You're not over eating, babe." He assures me.

"I feel like I am though, I've never had this much weight on me before." I admit. "I'm scared, Rikki, like what happens if I never play again?" I say and my voice cracks. "Fuck me, I hate crying."

I cover my eyes and Rikki moves my hands. My husband smiles and kisses my nose.

"Is this all just hitting you now?" He asks and I nod. "You've gotta stop stressing yourself out about this. You will play again, I promise you that."

"How can you be so sure?" I wonder and he smiles.

"You're too goddamn stubborn not to." Rikki smiles and I smile.

I kiss his lips and put my forehead on his.

"I love you." I tell him.

"I love you too." He says. "I'm gonna go get a beer, do you want anything?"

"Do we still have Coke here?" I ask and he nods.

"I think so." Rikki says as he stands up.

I watch him walk into the kitchen and I lean back on the couch. He comes back and hands me a glass filled with Coke, I smile as my husband sits beside me.

"You're the best." I say and he smiles.

"Yeah, I know." Rikki says and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

I take a sip of my Coke and as I swallow it I notice something tastes off and I choke. Rikki laughs as I wipe my mouth.

"What the hell did you do to this?" I ask and he smirks. "Soy sauce."

"You're too smart for me, babe." He says and I smile.

"Pay back is a bitch." I say as I stand up.

"Where are you going?" Rikki wonders.

"No where." I laugh.

"I'm doing what?" Ashley laughs.

"Flour in the hair dryer and koolaid in the shower head." I say as I hear the water turn on. "CC still asleep?"

"Yeah." She says.

"Go take a shower and get everything set up while you're locked in there." I say.

"Okay. I'll talk to you later." She says as I hear my husband yell.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" He yells and I laugh.

"Yeah, talk to you later." I say as I hang up the phone.

I walk downstairs and fifteen minutes later my husband walks downstairs covered in flower and dripping blue koolaid. I laugh when I see him.

"You look good in blue, babe." I tell him and he laughs.

"Why do you like screwing with the bathroom so much?" Rikki wonders and grabs my hand.

He pulls me into him so flower and blue koolaid go all over me and my clothes. I laugh as he hugs me tightly and spins around. I look up and Rikki kisses my lips.

"I love you even though you're an asshole." He says and I smile.

"I love you too." I say and kiss his lips again. "I have to go change my clothes now." I say and he laughs.

"Yeah, me too." Rikki says and grabs my hand. "Let's go."

"I think I win." I state and he laughs as we walk upstairs.

"Yeah, I'm not going to be able to top this." He says and kisses my knuckles. "You win, baby girl."

So our war is over, I'm not sure if Ashley and CC's war is done yet.