Break Me One More Time [McLennon]

in which the butterfly effect comes into play

     Paul spent days telling himself that he'd lost his father once, so how come it hurt so much now? He'd survived it once, so why did it hurt so damn much this time? Why did it hurt more than it had the first time?

     But then again, his father wasn't supposed to die now, was he... He was supposed to live for nearly another decade.

     A heart attack. A fucking heart attack that wasn't even supposed to happen.

     "How can this even be?" He asked Barney when his friend came to visit. "Was it the F.H.O.? Was it the Shadows? You said that there's a bunch of people keeping the Shadow organization going. Maybe they're responsible for this!" 

     "I don't know, Paul," Barney shook his head. "Maybe. Or maybe you've just made so many ripples in time that things are changing, and this is one of those things."

     Paul frowned. "Maybe it's just the universe telling me to go fuck myself."

     "How do you figure that?" Barney frowned.

     "Well, you figure, I'm trying to stop John from dying," Paul said. "And that could be bad. I thought for such a long time that it didn't matter because of prophecies or whatever. But now we know that there aren't actually any prophecies so..." He took a deep breath, "so maybe this is the universe's way of telling me, 'You really want to stop John from dying? You want to alter history? Change time itself? Well, fuck you.'"

     "I don't know, Paul," Barney said again, shaking his head. "I don't know."

~~~

     "I don't understand how this even could've happened," Yoko said. She and Paul were in the otherwise deserted kitchen in Paul's father's house. The funeral had taken place barely hours earlier, and everyone was now gathered at the McCartney homestead.

     "Someone might have made it happen," Paul sighed. "Stuart is alive, you know."

     "Seriously?" Yoko asked, eyes wide.

     Paul nodded. "Yeah.. Haven't talked to him in a while, though. He knows about all of this shit with the F.H.O. and the Shadows. Although, like I said, I haven't spoken to him in a while so he's not really up t date on everything that's happened. But the Shadows stopped him from dying, tried to recruit him, and failed. They left him alive...I still don't know why though."

     "Oh," Yoko frowned.

     "Plus Linda," Paul sighed. "They, you know, made that happen..."

     Yoko frowned and reached out to lay a hand on Paul's shoulder. "Maybe now isn't the best time to be thinking about her."

     Paul took a deep breath, sighed again, and nodded. "I know. It just sucks that I can't help her out like I'm doing for everyone else. And sometimes I lie awake at night thinking about how Mary and Stella and James are never even going to be born. Julian will never be born, and..." He slowly looked up at Yoko, into her eyes.

     She nodded. "Yeah. I've thought about that, too."

     Paul frowned.

     Yoko didn't know what to say, so she remained silent after that, and so did Paul for a while. Eventually Paul spoke again. "I'm going to get some fresh air," he sighed and left the kitchen without another word.

     In the backyard, he found that Ringo and George were standing and chatting. Ringo had an unlit cigarette dangling from his lips. Paul tried to tip toe backwards, praying they wouldn't notice him, but to no avail.