Cerulean Star

Chapter 18: Conversations

My hands were doing some weird clammy thing as I gripped the steering wheel, driving to the Cullen manor. I had just dropped Eric off at his house and I was now making my way down the hidden, twisted road that would soon turn into their driveway. With every bend, my heart pounded just a little bit more and I was sure the vampires I was about to visit could hear it. I guess it wouldn't matter, I wasn't planning on staying long. I made sure that Eric knew that I wouldn't be in danger so that he didn't need to follow me in the woods.

The house stood in the middle of the forest, not exactly as I had remembered it. It seemed much more spectacular, like my own memories couldn't do it justice. This was the first time I was here since before me and Edward broke up. I was surprised at how well I was able to keep the memories from rushing back to me. If I allowed them to, they'd crush me.

I took the few steps up the porch and stopped in front of the door. Part of me wanted to turn around and leave, never to give the Cullen's a second chance. But I couldn't do it. This visit was for Esme.

A few deep breaths later, I raised my hand needlessly as Alice opened the door for me.

"Bella! I'm so happy you came." Alice squealed as she pulled me into the house.

"I told you I would, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but I can't see anything when the stupid wolves are involved, so I didn't know if you were telling the truth." Alice was all bubbly, but for a change, it was irritating me more than usual.

"Hmmm, Alice, you know what? I'm out of here. Eric and his brothers, along with Jacob and his pack may be wolves, but they are my friends. What they aren't, is stupid, and if you are going to keep insulting my friends, then there is absolutely nothing I want to do with you." I stood glaring at Alice, who kind of cowered back. I had never been that angry or that forward with her before and I instantaneously felt bad.

"Please, Bella. Forgive the offensiveness of my daughter. Alice sometimes speaks without thinking." Esme's voice sounded in my ear and she was soon standing beside me. I looked at her auburn hair and realized that I missed her a lot. While I was here, she was like a mother to me, something I never thought of the wives as. Even after Gillina was changed, I never saw her as a mother figure again. But Esme.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean anything by it I swear." I nodded towards Alice without really looking at her. Esme grabbed my hand and brought me closer to her. She smelled of vanilla and honey as her scent wafted into my nose with every movement as we embraced.

"Bella, I'm so glad to see you. You have no idea how much I've missed you." I smiled as Esme continued holding my hand as I walked with her into the living room. My stomach lurched downwards when I saw everyone perched on the couch and chairs. Including Edward.

Involuntarily, the blood rushed to my head.

"Well I guess we have some explaining to do." Esme said as she lead me over to a white leather reclining chair. At first I thought I was going to be seated next to Edward, but instead I had this chair to myself.

"Esme, I think it's only fair that Edward do the explaining since he was the one that started this catastrophe." I looked around the room and all of the vampires were staring at Edward, who was staring at the ground. For a second, I thought something was wrong because he wasn't moving. He didn't look up at anyone when they spoke. And I knew at least Alice was practically screaming her thoughts to Edward, if not Esme certainly was.

We stood there for several minutes before anybody said anything next. The silent stillness may not have bothered anyone, but it was starting to kill me.

"Well before one of you begins, I just need to explain something. I lied to you and I'm not sure that any of you could ever know how sorry I feel for that. I was told not to reveal who I truly was, Aro and everyone in the Volturi are my family. But then I came here, and you guys were like my family as well. I was torn, and several times I attempted to bring it up, but I guess I chickened out. I really wanted to tell you. But then you left me."