Cerulean Star

Chapter 19: Considerations

It was finally the weekend and I took the chance to spend Saturday by myself. I grabbed a blanket from the linen closet with the intention of laying out in the sun to get some color. Though I was convinced that my birth mother was part albino because no matter what I did, I never grew any darker, not even a sunburn.

This was the best way I could think of to relieve some of the stress I felt this week with my return to Forks. Of course much of it stemmed from the gossip of me going out with Eric and Felix at the same time. I was always with one or both of them. Which also reminded me, how stupid I was to praise Afton for putting Eric in all of my classes, now I also had to deal with Felix in my classes as well. It was like they took turns on claiming me for themselves.

There was also the tortured looks from Alice as she was unsure of what to do. I knew it was hard on her that she wasn't able to see my future, and I felt sorry that I was always with Eric. I tried with every fiber to avoid her stares, but I still knew. It was like she was trying to mentally warm my heart back up to Edward again.

Eric was frustrated because he realized the importance of never returning to Italy again. The relations between him and Jacob's pack seemed to be strengthening despite his growing resentment that the initial ambush from Jacob's pack jeopardized his chances of being reunited with the rest of his own. I needed to find a way to make that up to him.

Charlie has been upset with ever since my first day back at school since I cut part of the day. I argued that no one told me that the Cullen's were back and then on top of that, I had to find out from someone unrelated to me that someone close to my father had passed away. After seeing things from my perspective for a moment, I was able to escape being grounded miraculously.

Finally, there was Edward himself. Edward was constantly staring at me, and unfortunately he was in my last period art class. It's been pretty hard concentrating on renaissance art when I had a wall of hair separating me from the world, including Edward.

Thinking of Edward only brought back the memory of when he came over a couple of days ago, wanting to speak with me. Of course, that was the day I found out that Felix was back in Forks, and was planning on staying. After waiting for Felix to leave his hearing range, Edward finally started speaking.

"Can we talk?" Edward asked.

"Well, I'm not entirely sure I'll have anything to say. But I'll listen." I motioned for him to come in as I returned to the kitchen to finish dinner.

"Bella. I was wrong. I was wrong to leave you here, I was wrong to lie to you and say that I never loved you. And most importantly I was wrong to turn my back on you in Italy. You were, are, and will always be the most important reason I exist. You're who I've been waiting for to give me a reason to want to exist. I love you and no one; vampire, wolf, or even a human can say otherwise. Bella Swan DiMarco, I would do anything to make this right. Just please give me a chance."

I turned the stove off, and gave the meat sauce a quick stir before I turned around to face him. I opened my mouth to speak, but he held up a finger to my lips.

"I don't need Alice to tell me that we belong together. Yes I've seen her visions of us together, but it was something that I've always known. I see you with me, and no one else. I just need that second chance to make you see it too."

I raised my eyebrow slowly in question. "Are you done?" Edward nodded his head and stepped away from me. I took a couple of breaths to keep myself composed and to gather my thoughts.

"Edward, I don't even know what to say to that. I mean, I've forgiven you, I don't know how many times I have to tell you that. But being with you again, I'm not sure I can." My hands were fumbling around with my shirt and wouldn't stop moving. "Maybe if we start off slow?" I tried my best to imitate his crooked smile, but it didn't feel right.