Aries: Uncle with like .6 friends.
Uncle: Hey, how's it going?
half a pineapple: *says nothing cause its a fruit*
*little kids come running and knock the pineapple over*
Uncle: Hey, now I only have 0.6 of him!
Taurus: Really cool dad who makes pancakes.
Me: Hey.
Dad: Hey, hows yo school going? *awkward pause* HOMIE!
Me: Dad, stop your not cool.
Dad: Oh yeah, well I make pancakes. *pulls out sunglasses from nowhere, and put them on* ( Like a boss by Slim Thug comes on)
Me: *staring at him blankly* This is stupid.
Dad: Fine, whatever.
Me: Your still making pancakes right?
Dad: Yep.
Both: LIKE A BOSS!
Gemini: Weird freaky cousin.
Me: Hey, hows it going.
Cousin: Great. Thanks for asking. Have you ever seen what happens when you mix diarrhea with water and crackers?
Me: Um, no.
Cousin: Well let's find out. I've been having some bathroom problems.
Me: Oh no I didn't sign up for this! *tries to leave but cousin drags me behind him* Oh-No! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Cancer: Emo but weirdly popular cousin
Me: Hey.
Cousin: Hey.
Me: So what'd you bring for show and tell?
Cousin: This empty water bottle because I'm empty inside.
Me: Oh. Well, I---
Cousin: Can you leave? Your breathing is bothering me bitch.
Me: Umm, I---
Cousin: Go! Your only causing me more misery.
Me: *hurries out* *comes back like 5 minutes later* *everyone's crowded around her* Ew. Stupid family.
Leo: Really hot cousin that no one wants to admit that he's hot because they're related but they're still hot.
Me and my female cousins: *looking at leo* OMG! He's so hot, OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! Oh my god, he's coming over! Ok, act natural! *everyone looks like they either have a hangover or just got back from a strip club*
Leo: *comes over* Hey, were you guys talking about me?
Me and my female cousins: No, we were talking about that person behind you!
Leo: The wall?
Me and my female cousins: Uh, yes! *all leave in a hurry*
Virgo: The grandpa/grandma who makes fun of people
Virgo: Hey, you!
Me: yes?
Virgo: I got you something!
Me: Really? Thank you! You didn't have to do that. *pulls out fitness gear and workout clothes* Wait what is this?
Virgo: I thought I should help you get fit, literally an elephant is more in shape than you.
Me: Oh, well that was very thoughtful. I like to hear honest opinions.
Virgo: Oh no! I was keeping it light. Here I'll show you, let me take a picture of you with your cousin. *scans the family* Oh, you. Yes you CHUBBY! Come here. Stand next to that fat-osoaruos over there. *Takes a picture* Now chubby you go play. You come here.
Me: * slowly move toward her/him*
Virgo: *shows me the picture* See, look at that! ( Chubby was fatter than an elephant, an I was a skinny little munchkin) You look like a f*cking cereal box next to him. I think you should have chubby as your personal trainer.
Libra: Annoying but cute baby.
Me: Aw, he's so cute. Can I hold him?
Mom: Sure.
Me: *picks up the baby*
Baby: *starts crying and screaming*
Me: *Sets him back down*
Baby: *stops*
(This goes on for a while.)
Scorpio: Punk middle child that always gets away with something they did.
Her: *breaks a vase* Oops.
Me: You do know I'm gonna have to tell mom right?
Her: WHAT?! MOM! (ME) BROKE THE VASE!
Me: What? No I didn't!
Mom: That's it! No iPad, No iPod, No iPad mini's, No Netflix, No YouTube, No TV, No WiiU's, ect.
Sagittarius: Wine mom that always makes sexual jokes.
Yo guys, I'm 12, I ain't giving you a situation of a effing drunk mom telling sexual jokes, k? K, we clear.
Capricorn: The oldest sibling who will probably go to Harvard.
*family waiting in line for cake*
Me: Oh, hurry up already. I've been waiting in line forever!
Capricorn: Um, excuse me. *clears throat* *36-hour speech on how long I was stand there and why I shouldn't be rude to my family members*
*When speech is over*
Capricorn: So did you get that?
Me: *sitting on the floor with the whole 5'x2'x7" cake half eaten, cake frosting all over my mouth, looking like a 2-year-old at a birthday party* Uh, yes?
Capricorn: You asked that questioning me, so you have apparently learned nothing. *clears throat again* *364 hour long speech on why I should listen and obey the elderly and why eating a 50 pound cake may be bad for your health*
Aquarius: Stoner hippie grandma
I've got no situation sorry.
Pisces: Single vodka aunt
