I need help, Miss Lovato

Chapter 19

Demi

I knew it was coming but it still broke my heart. I don't know what to do anymore, she needs help and I don't think I can give her the help she needs. I could send her to hospital, for a little while, so they could build the first steps to recovery, but I don't want to leave her, she's been through enough heartbreak already. I know I can't send her to timberline, because she's just too young, she's way too young for all of this to be bothering her. I remember when I was eleven, that was the first time I'd cut myself, but I was no where near as bad as she is right now. Thinking about her thinking about killing herself makes me cry. I may have only known her for a couple of months but I love her like I've known her the entire eleven years of her life and I just want my babygirl to be okay. I want her to know happiness and love, not suffering and pain. I want her to wake up in the morning happy about the day, not wishing she weren't here. It breaks my heart, my baby is in so much pain emotionally.

'momma? are you okay?' Lyric asked me with concerned eyes, I nodded and wiped my eyes

'I'm fine babygirl' I said kissing her forehead, Marissa walked over and sat down next to us, wrapping her arms around us

'I'm talking to you later, I saw it in your eyes, you aren't fine' she whispered in my ear 

'momma, am I a burden?' she asked sadly looking at the ground

'no baby, you''ll never be a burden, who told you that you were?'

'Bailey, and Laura, the kids at school, the voices' 

'all of those people are terrible baby, terrible people, and you can't listen to what they say' 

'it's so hard momma, they always tell me mean things, and it hurts' she said a few tears rolling down her cheeks

'I know it does baby, but that's what they're trying to do, they're trying to hurt you, we just gotta keep our heads up and fight through it'

'why do they do it momma? why do they try to hurt us?'

'we'll never know baby, I guess they find enjoyment in it' she snuggled further into my chest

'I'm tired momma'

'how much sleep did you get baby?'

'not much'

'go to sleep then baby' she nodded against my chest and closed her eyes.

Once we were sure she was asleep I stood up and placed her in her bed, as Wilmer was still half naked asleep in mine probably should get him a shirt. Oh well I'll do it later. Marissa dragged me out of the room and back down to the couch

'Demi' As soon as she said my name I broke down, tears cascading down my face as I though about the pain my baby was in

She sat next to me and wrapped her arms around me rubbing my back as I cried into her shoulder

'she's so young, she's so sick' I sobbed

Marissa continued to rub my back and hold me tightly

'please let me go, I need to see her' I sobbed trying to get her arms off me

'you are triggered right now, there is no way I'm letting go of you' she said sternly but I could tell she was concerned 

'but I'm not' she scoffed and looked straight into my eyes

'that's bullshit and we both know it'

'I won't do anything' I said being completely truthful

'and I trust you, but I'm still being  careful' I nodded sadly knowing that she only meant well

'can we at least sit in her room, what if she wakes up?'

'not while you're unstable Demi, she doesn't need to see that, we both know that if she sees you like that she's going to blame herself' I nodded and curled up on the couch still crying into my hands turning around so that I wasn't facing Marissa

'I'm going to Wilmer, please watch her' I said getting out of her grasp and walking up the stairs to where Wilmer was still asleep.

I got into the bed with him and laid my head on his bare chest, letting tears fall freely onto his skin

'hermosa?' he asked in a sleepy voice

'Dem? babe, what's wrong?' he asked wrapping his arms around me, I shook my head and continued to cry 

'babe, you are scaring me, what's wrong' 

's-she wants to k-kill herself' I sobbed softly 

'who?' he asked cautiously 

'L-Lyric' I said clinging onto him, he ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me softly 

'babe, where is she?' 

'In her bed asleep, Marissa won't let me in her room because of my state of mind' I said sadly

'hermosa, do you want to hurt yourself?' he asked sitting up and looking at me concerned, I looked away 

'I uh, no' he sighed and rewrapped his arms around me 

'why?'

"I'm not good enough to have her, she's so precious, and I just feel like I'm not good enough to be her mother, and I don't know, everything has been getting to me lately'

'babe, you are so wrong. You are the best mother that little girl could have, think about it you dropped everything for her, you gave up your lunches, you even adopted her without consent from anyone, and you did it out of love. I can see it in your eyes, you truly love her as if she were your own. I know it's heartbreaking for you to hear that she doesn't want to live, trust me it's heartbreaking for me, but you've gotta stay strong, she can't fight this alone, she needs you as much as you need her Dem' I nodded and wiped my eyes, before pecking him on the lips

'thank you, so much, I really needed that'

'I hate seeing you so upset babe, it breaks my heart, I love you'

'I love you more, so so much more'

'never in a million years will you love me more than I love you hermosa' 

'oh but babe, I love you so damn much' I giggled snuggling into him