She Knows... | sm + cc

Killing Me Slowly

Shawn ~
How do I even process the stupidity that I just displayed? I really messed Camila up and I don't know how to fix her. Should I just go and talk to her face to face? Maybe she just needs space. But, I need to see her face. I need to be reassured on how she's doing.
I pick up my phone and try to call her.
Should I even do this? We were just in the phone with each other after I had broken her heart. Does she really need to hear my wretched voice once more.
God, but I need to know what she feels right away. It's killing me inside and I just can't take it.
I pick up my phone once more and dial in her number.

Camila ~
I fucking hate the fact that I can't decide whether or not I should stay. I love him and I really want him to love me too, but I know he's just saying it. Ugh, but the sincerity in his eyes shows just how much he cares. God, and his hair. His hair is so beautiful.
Stop, what am I thinking. That bastard broke my heart, he doesn't even deserve to even be in my thoughts. Oh, but his soothing voice always calms me down. Then again, that blonde chick he was on probably felt the same way after hearing his voice.

My phone began to ring. I grabbed it to see it was...him.
Do I answer? No, he'll just keep on saying the same crap as before.
Of course, my dumb self decided to answer it.

"Camila?" There was that soothing voice I longed for, but knew was bed for me.
"Shawn?" I somehow choked out his name, trying not to show that I was desperate and crying.
"How are you feeling?"
What does that even mean?
"Okay."
"I want to apologize...again."
"Stop."
"No, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I need you to know that I'm sorry."
How can you really sorry?
"Ok, I get it. You've said it a million times-"
"Yet, that's still not enough. My mind can't fully process the reason why I did this. And, I know you won't just forgive me like...that. So, I'll ask again. How are you really feeling?"
"I...I don't know."
"What do you mean you don-"
"You fucked me up, Shawn! I don't even know what's good or bad for me anymore! I don't even love you anymore! Or...maybe I do.... I don't fucking know! You messed me up!"

I hit my head against the wall in frustration. How dare he ask me that!

"I...I...-"
"See! You don't even know what to say!"
I took a short breather.
"I'm sorry, Camila..."
"You know what? Just stop. Please, before you make things even worse."

I hung up on him.