Forced For The Cameras

18- Goodbye

December 8, 2015, 17 weeks & 3 days

Kylie:

Justin was right there next to me when I woke up the next morning.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He got up from the chair and sat on the edge of the hospital bed.

I shrugged my shoulder, "fine."
"Kylie, it's okay not to be fine."

"It's my fault isn't it?" A tear fell down my cheek as I looked at him.

"No it's not your fault ky, if anything it's mine. I'm the one who's been putting you under so much stress, I take full blame for this." His voice got shaky. He turned his head away from me as his eyes watered.

"I'm sorry Kylie, I never wanted any of this to happen." I grabbed his hand and placed a small kiss on his left hand.
"It's not your fault either Justin." He rolled his eyes at me.

"I'm the one who's been yelling at you and treating you like crap, making you cry and putting all the responsibility on you. It's my fault that we loss.." He stopped not being able to finish his sentence.

"Hey, look at me." His eyes made contact with mine, "it's not my fault and it's not yours, we can't blame each other or ourself for the loss. We can't give up we have another baby that still needs us to be there for him or her, okay?"
He nodded his head before placing his hand on my belly.

All day we had family and friends coming in and checking on us, they wanted to be here for us but it only made it harder for us to deal with.

Me and Justin were exhausted after having everyone checking in on us.

"I'm tired, I'm getting some rest. you can go home if you want Justin, you don't have to stay up here with me."
He shook his head,

"No I'm going to stay up here with you." He walked to the other side of the bed and squeezed in.
A small smile came across my face as i felt his arm wrap around my waist.

It was nice being able to have a quiet non-yelling moment with Justin.

I fell asleep with Justin singing to me in my ear.

December 9, 2015 17 weeks & 4 days

Justin:
It was time for us to get out of the hospital, I had something special planned for Kylie.
No matter how many times she says it's not my fault it's till going to take responsibility for the loss of one of our babies.

"Kylie, wake up." I whispered into her ear causing her to groan and push me away.

"Okay fine, stay in bed. I guess you don't want to see your surprise.." I sat down in the chair.
Her head popped up with a smile on her lips.
"What surprise? What is it?"
"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you, get dressed and you'll find out."

She rushed out of bed and almost fell to the ground.

"Kylie," I ran to her, helping her stand.
"I'm fine, just a little sore." I could see that she was about to cry.
I didn't want that, she has cried enough for the past 17 weeks, she's done crying.

"Come on let's get you dressed." I handed her her clothes and she walked into the bathroom.

She walked back out shortly after with a small smile plastered on her face.

"So what's the surprise Justin?" I looked over at her and saw how excited she was.

"You'll just have to wait and see." I smiled back at her.

The rest of the car ride wasn't quiet at all, Kylie kept asking about what the surprise is and even through out some ideas of what it might have been.

"Kylie shut up and just go inside." I looked at her with a smile on my face.

She nodded her head and walked as fast as she could to the door. I followed behind hopping she would like the surprise.

She opened the door and gasped,
"Robby!" She ran into her brothers arms, hugging him tightly.

Kylie use to talk to me about how much she missed him and how she never saw him, I thought this would have been something to cheer her up.

"I can't believe this." A tear ran down her face as she gave him another hug.
"Oh and Kylie," I pointed behind rob as I leaned against he wall.

"MJ!" She ran to her grandma and pulled her into a hug.

Kylie needed to be around her family, people who care and love her. She's going through so much and I just want her to be surrounded by those who love her.

I sat outside by the pool drink a beer, thinking about all of the things that I said that just added to the stress, thing that could have been avoided so that we wouldn't have to go through this pain.

"Hey, you okay?" I heard her voice.
"I should be asking you that." I sat my beer down and walked to her.

"You went through this too, it wasn't just me jay."
"You went through a little bit more than I did." She looked down at the ground.

"I'm really sorry, for everything that was said to you, for ever making you cry or making you think that I didn't care about you or the babies, because I do. I'm sorry that we lost one of our babies." I didn't want to cry in front of her, someone needed to be strong and that was me.

"Justin, it's okay we'll get through this. It's okay to cry. We're human." She placed her hand on my cheek and I nodded my head.

I bent down to her belly, placing my hands on either side of her belly.

"Hi, it's your daddy, I'm so sorry if I ever made you think I didn't care about you or your sibling, I love you so much, and i will always be here for you." I placed a small kiss on her belly before standing up.

She was smiling at me with tears filling up her eyes.

"No, no tears" I wiped them away.
"But these are happy tears." She wrapped her arms around my neck pulling me into a hug.
My arms went around her waist as I closed my eyes.
"Everything will be alright." I whispered into her ear.