Warrior

Chapter Six

Liam

  

I had awoken that morning curled around Satey, who had been pressed tightly into my chest, her lips barely brushing the material of my shirt.  I had leaped away at the sight, instant questions running through my brain, wondering if I had slept with her or not.  After I pleaded with myself that I hadn’t, I had remembered everything that had went on the night before.

As I looked at her sleeping form, I had felt fear growing in the pit of my stomach.  The sort of connection I felt with her was never good.  

All I ever did was hurt people. I was violent.  I pushed people away and hurt them.  It was my nature.  I didn’t want to put Satey through the constant battle that was my life.

I had already doubted that Satey would go for letting it be and going away to keep herself safe, but my tiny spark of hope was blown out as soon as she asked if she could stay.  I had wanted to say no; to tell her that she wanted to stay away from her, that I was bad for her.

I couldn’t do it.

Everything that I had felt for her the night before had come crashing back into memory.  The protectiveness, the care, the desperate plea to help her.  I didn’t want anyone to hurt her, and she would be safe from everyone else with me.  But how could I protect her from myself?

My mind was fighting itself as I stared at her.  I didn’t want her to be afraid of me, but I didn’t want her to become so comfortable with who I was when I was with her that she got terrified when she saw who I was in the ring.

And out.

I decided that she needed to know what I was like.  I didn’t want her to leave, but I didn’t want her to stay and get hurt by me.

I could still protect her, just from a distance.

Like I always had.

She followed me into my house.  I could hear the tentative padding of her feet across the kitchen floor as I walked to the table, gripping the back of the chair.

“Liam?” she asked, her voice soft.

I almost wanted to rethink my decision.  I could just stay with her for the rest of my life and avoid everything in the past.  But, there were people who were depending on me.  I couldn’t let them down.  I also couldn’t just contain all the emotions built up inside of me.  I would have no way of letting them out, and I knew it would end up being let out at her.  I couldn’t keep it inside.  Not after everything that had happened.

If I could drop everything and just focus on being good, I would.  But that was never going to happen.  She needed to get used to the idea of what I did, of what I could do to anyone, even her.  She needed to know the risk she would be taking, if she decided to continue to associate with me.

I hoped she wouldn’t stay, for her own good.

I didn’t want her to see what I had to go through everyday.  I didn’t want her to see what a violent animal the ring had turned me into.  I didn’t want to scare her and I didn’t want to hurt her, but that was bound to happen with who I was.

The only solution that would be good for her, in the end, was to leave and never come back.

I straightened and turned to look at her.

The sun framed her body as she stood in front of me, fingers playing with the end of her shirt.  Her hair was splayed out messily, but, at the same time, beautifully.  Her blue eyes sparkled with question as she looked at me.