Sleepovers «Juuzou X Reader»

°See the pattern of my cuts°

Trigger warning!

~Your POV~

It's been 4 months since the surgery. Juuzou was back to fighting, which he loved doing.

Juuzou had told me about his past now, which made me feel bad for him. He would say that it's okay and he cares for his 'mama'. He said he didn't want to disappoint her in any way.

I wanted Juuzou to be happy. He told me I made him happy, but I felt like I failed him.

I wanted to be a good mother to our children, but I felt as though I failed them.

I was always getting people mad at me.

It was in the middle of the night, I was in the bathroom. Juuzou was asleep. I had his special knives again. I pulled my sleeve up. There were a lot of scars. The wounds heal quite fast, but the scars stay.

I did feel bad for what I did. I knew others had it worse. I knew I had to set an example for my kids, but I was depressed. It didn't seem I had a reason to be depressed. I had four children, a great husband, a nice family, great friends, and a great brother. When you have depression, it's like it can't ever go away. I felt as though I was a horrible mom. Miko and Cosette were both having medical issues, and I blamed myself on that. I wasn't Aikos real mom, and she hates ghouls, I'm a monster to her. Hinata and Aiko would probably hate each other, since Hinata is a ghoul. Hinata would probably blame me for him being a ghoul. It sucks being a ghoul.

I was surprised Juuzou and I even started to date! I didn't ever expect us to get married. I was always fearful this was just some scheme to make fun of me. Like everyone I talk to is just in on this for a big joke, and they talk about the stupid things I do. Or that everyone tolerates me, and Juuzou married me out of Pity.

I felt like my life was just one big lie.

I open the case full of his backup knives. I had my sleeves already pulled up. I had some scars on my wrists, due to me doing this other times. I ran my fingers over the red stitches on my torso. I took a deep breath and grabbed one of the special knives. I gripped it tightly as I pressed it against my wrist. I slid it across, only for red liquid to come out, then heal up, leaving a scar.

I did this over and over. I always wished I could've felt the pain. I had no clue why I was doing this, it didn't satisfy my depression.

I cleaned the knife, put it back in the case, and closed it up. I rolled down my sleeves and went back into thus bedroom, as if nothing happened.

"Hey! You ready to go to bed now?" Juuzou said in his usual cheerful voice. Whenever I heard him after I did this stuff, I would regret what k did.

I used the energy I did have, and I faked a smile. "Yep!"

I crawled into bed, and Juuzou wrapped his arms around me while we slept.

"Goodnight! I love you." Juuzou said.

"I love you too."