RED IN MY LEDGER.

One Sided Love

After Steve save me in Washington DC incident and been there for me when Bruce left after the Ultron. My feelings for him grew more, even how hard I fight on it. I know Steve doesn't like me, for him I'm just his teammate. I don't know if the new Avengers team notice how soft I am with Steve, all he says and do I always support and follow him. But I didn't realize I'll be tired on this one sided love when the Civil war incident came.

I was there when Peggy died, I flew from NY to London just to be with him, so he will never feel alone. When I got there I saw him infront of the elevator with Sharon. They we're about to kiss each other. Thanks to Sam's interruption. I pretend I didn't see anything. When Steve went back to the Church where Peggy's wake is. I went there, he asked me update regarding the registration; who will sign and not. Then asked what I'm doing here. I just said I don't want him to feel alone and hug him. But in my mind, I know he doesn't needs me. He's okay with Sharon. (What the hell is with the Carters!? How they easily attract Steve!?😒)

Next is when the war between Steve and Tony started because Steve rescued Bucky. Sharon was all the way with Steve secretly. She gave him files and their weapons. And me? I'm with Tony. I choose his side because I'm tired of killing innocent people. When Sharon gave their weapon to Steve they had a chance to kiss each other. I'm a bit hurt because that kiss was Steve's decision. Ours was just part of the escape plan from Rumlow. I thought when I heard about that kiss, my feelings for him will just vanished. But I was wrong.

Our fight at the Airport. I help Steve and Bucky to escape. Urghh this feeling. Tony called me double agent because of that. I don't care. That's how I work anyway. But seeing my friends fight each other, everyone getting hurt. I can't take it anymore. They need to stop or I just need to run away again.

I choose to run away; to hide from everyone. I know they will be okay, they can take care of theirselves. I can't stand seeing them like that, fighting each other, hurting each other, plus all the revelations I knew. God! I need time to move on and start a new life. Anyway, retiring is not a bad thing. This may also help my heart to move on from the One sided love I've been. I don't close my door for them, if they needs me and in that time. I want myself to be ready, especially my heart.