Splitting Hairs

Sixteen

The first time is usually, if not always, painful. Para iyong karayom na pinilit mong ipasok ang yarn. Pero sa kaso ko, it really hurt like hell after. Para akong may hangover. He took me in anger with no amount of gentleness the first time he thrust. Parang dalawang metal na nagkiskis na hindi man lang nilagyan ng grasa. Nagasgas.

I felt sore all over. Perhaps from having sex in a cramped space. At lahat ng muscles ko ay nagamit. I slowly opened my eyes. I was coming down from a high induced drug. Not that I ever tried it. Pero pakiwari ko ay ganon... masarap... nakakaadik... masakit sa una...

"It was good a price. For your acting."

Bumuka 'yung bibig ko.

I was so shocked I wanted to cry and tell him how awful his words were. Pero bakit ko siya bibigyan ng satisfaction at malaman niyang nanalo siya?

It was minutes ago when we were both yelling each other's names and couldn't get enough of each other like dogs in heat. At ngayon? Para siyang sukang suka sa mukha ko. Sa akin.

Walang pakialam na nagbihis ako sa harap niya. Ano pa bang mawawala sa 'kin? I felt so emotionally raw and exposed.

"Why did you... do it?" He whispered angrily. His jeans were hanging low on his hips. Ni hindi nito nagawang i-snap iyon. He wasn't wearing his shirt. I smirked. Sa likod ng gwapong anyo niya ay nagtatago ang napakasamang ugali. He was an angel in disguise. A devil's advocate.

He was pacing to and fro frantically. Galit na sinuklay nito ang buhok.

"Why?!" He shouted furiously.

Gusto kong maiyak. Because I understood this very angry and deceived Julian. Sino ba ang gustong maloko diba?

I was up to the last button when he turned around and faced me. Angry lines were visible. Nagngangalit ang ugat nito sa leeg sa pagpipigil. Well, I didn't care if he'd murder me now. I didn't care if he—

He punched the rearview mirror!

I almost jumped in surprise. Almost. Nakita kong nagdurugo ang knuckles nito. 'Di ba sinabi kong wala akong pakialam? Wala! I blindly sat on the passenger seat. Para akong tanga. The car smelled of sex and our body sweat. It was as if nothing happened.

Tulala. I heard him hissing beside me.

"You look like a fucking whore to me right now. You sold your body just to be a sunico. Just for money."

Gusto kong sumigaw. Gusto kong tumalon sa bangin. Gusto kong matulog at hindi na magising.

I closed my eyes. Malay ko ba, baka mangyari 'yun. Baka pakinggan ako ni God at maawa siya sa 'kin. Ramdam ko pa rin ang basa sa baba ko. Idemanda ko kaya siya? I would scream 'I'm a battered wife of Julian Sunico'. May makinig kaya sa 'kin?

But it was my fault. It was my twin sister's fault.

I didn't want to be a hypocrite. I wanted to kill him. Sunugin siya ng unti-unti. Like what happened to the cursed witches before. Would there be justice in killing him?

Ayoko siyang tignan. Ayo—ko. He didn't even bother putting his shirt on. Parang hindi nito nararamdaman ang pag-agos ng dugo habang nagmamaneho ito. Was he immune to pain already?

At least we had something in common now.

Nasa garahe na kami. Ni hindi ko man lang napansin.

"Why did you do that?" bulong nito. "You know what, when I first saw you crying at the hotel. I got attracted to you that first time."

Hindi ako 'yun Julian.

So, he still thought that I was Jean. My twin sister who played the fucking virgin who seduced him.