Splitting Hairs

Twenty Two

Four full days. No phone calls. Not even a word. Kahit man lang 'hoy' wala. Ni hindi man lang nag-alalang tumawag para itanong kung buhay pa 'ko. O binabaon ko ba siya sa utang through his credit card. I ate silently at the breakfast table. Ang laki-laki ng bahay ako lang naman at si CM. He was even immersed in painting a landscape. Parang nakalimutan ko nga ding magpinta.

I realized then that my world started revolving around Julian.

How was that?

Nakahiga lang ako. I was hugging Julian's pillow tightly. Baliw na ata talaga ako. I sniffed it. I didn't miss him. I didn't even remember him. I was just plain bored. That was it. Inis na binato ko ang unan niya sa kama. Tapos tinalon talunan ko iyon. I sat down while panting. I punched the pillow like it was his face.

I rolled on my stomach and covered the pillow over my head.

"Jeannie..."

That bolted me upright.

"Julian?"

Badtrip. I shouldn't have mentioned that name! CM was giving me those slow teasing grins I hated these days. "Namimiss mo na no?" Sabi nito at umupo sa tabi ko. I smirked at him. Me? Missing him? Bull.

"That would be a cold day in hell."

Inis na humiga ulit ako at tinalikuran siya.

"So, you don't miss him?"

Umupo ulit ako. I didn't like CM's expression. Bakit ko mamimiss 'yung taong lagi naman akong inaaway? Why should I miss him when he didn't even remember me? Ano ba ang one-minute call sa 24/7?

I sticked to my viewpoint that if a person valued you that much though he was busy he'd take time even a minute to text you. Meron tayong bente kwatro oras sa isang araw. Anong ginagawa niya? Dinadaig si Bill Gates? Tsk.

"Hindi! Hello. Kahit 'wag na siyang bumalik."

"Oh?"

"I don't care if you don't believe me CM."

"Ahh..." he nodded indulgently. "Eh, bakit ka nagmumukmok?"

"Ako? Nagmumukmok? My God CM. I'm just resting. Mamaya mag-celebrate tayo tutal wala naman dito si Julian." I forced my muscles to move. Smile Jeannie.

"Okay." CM said.

He stood up from my bed. "Sayang sasabihin ko pa man sana sa 'yong tumawag kanina si Julian... Well, because you're not interested never mind."

I gasped and glared at him. Kitang kita kong parang hinayang siya. Naiinis ako sa mga taong magkukwento tapos mambibitin! My hands were getting itchy to wring his neck. I gnawed the inside of my left cheek. CM won! I hated them both.

"Anong sabi niya?"

"Hindi ka naman interesado, 'di ba?"

Sakalin ko kaya 'tong si CM? Once lang.

"Just curious." I said nonchalantly.

"Tama." CM said. Pilit ginagaya si Ann Curtis. He gave me that eat-your-heart-out smile. Tapos tinalikuran niya 'ko at isinara ang pinto 'paglabas. To my astonishment, my mobile started ringing. I almost tripped with the blanket in a hurry to get to my cellphone in the drawer.

Nagmamadali ako. Bakit ba kasi nilock lock ko pa 'yung drawer? Stupid of me.

Eee. My hand was trembling. It stopped ringing just when the key turned in. Boom. It opened. Bwisit. Alam mo naman si Julian napakapasensyoso! I gritted my teeth and sighed. Tatalikod pa lang sana ako ng tumunog ulit iyon.

I reahed for it under my accessories along with other swell stuff.

I didn't even look at the screen.

"Hello Julian?"

"Jeannie kain na tayo!"

Shit. Double Shit. The door opened. Argh. CM!!! I wanted to wipe the grin off his face. Para akong tangang hawak hawak 'yung cell phone sa tenga ko. Gusto kong ipakain sa kanya iyon. How could he be my friend? He had done nothing but to humiliate me. Big time, dude.

"Sorry na."

I hissed and stared at him pointedly. Huwag lang talaga siyang makalapit-lapit. Mauubos talaga buhok niya sa 'kin.

We ate dinner serenely. I couldn't eat that much. It tasted ashes on the tongue. Umiinom ng isang tasang kape si CM.

"You should understand your husband, you know."

I looked at him squarely.

"I don't want to be the bearer of bad news Jeannie."

"What bad news?"

"Pabagsak na ang negosyo ng mga Sunico. They lost millions. 'Yun ang narinig ko."

Parang hindi ko ata naintindihan ang mga sinabi ni CM. This was just one of his grand jokes, wasn't it? Si Julian? Bankrupt? Bugger.

"I'm sorry Jennie. It's the truth."

I went to bed that night with my head pounding so hard it hurt. Why didn't he tell me a thing or two about it? Wala ba talaga akong silbi para sa kanya? It seemed a lifetime since I signed that marriage contract. Eight? Ten? Ang tagal ko na din palang pinagtyatyagaan si Julian. That was the last of my conscious thoughts. I slept like the dead.

***

JULIAN

He opened the door and slid inside the semi-darkened room quietly. The light flickered from the lamp shade were casting shadows on the wall to the woman sleeping serenely on the bed. Maingat niya itong pinagmasdan. He found himself smiling oddly. She was one thing he didn't need right now. The word complication was written all over her face.

And his fingers were itching to put an L word on his forehead. He was a major loser.

The investors in Las Vegas were pulling out. Bankrupt. That was the most hateful word in a businessman's vocabulary. He couldn't afford to lose his heritage. Yeye's footprints.

"Julian..."

She turned to the side. At nalilis ang kumot mula dito. Marahang humiga siya sa tabi nito at tumagilid. He cuddled her in spoon fashion. Lumapat ang likod nito sa dibdib niya. Even in deep slumber she came to him willingly. He kissed her nape softly. She stirred in her sleep. His mindset was shouting he didn't need her. His heart told him otherwise.

Ang hirap kapag magkalaban ang puso at ang utak.

At mas mahirap ipaglaban ang isang bagay na alam mong matagal ka nang talo.

"dangsin-eul salanghabnida."

I love you.

He knew those facts might kill him. He didn't really know what bullshit happened to him. It was just that... he was afraid to get too attached. There was nothing constant and permanent in this word. Weren't his mother and father a one great example? He was a very cynical man. Jeannie could disappear one day.

And he was afraid of this from the very first fucking day he met her. Even the day when she told him the truth that she was deceiving him. He still felt that pull toward her.

Ano bang pinakain sa kanya ni Jeannie para magkaganito siya sa babae? Ang dami niyang problema ngayon. But he couldn't pull away from her. And he sometimes hated himself for that.