Splitting Hairs

Epilogue

"And in another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
And in another life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away."

"The one that got away..." I hit the high-pitched note as I imitated Katy Perry's song. Somehow, I know it by heart. I smile softly to myself. Oh, no don't go there anymore Jeannie.

I start hating the phrases what ifs and what could have beens. Regrets are those for what you can't have done. Pero kung sumigaw ba'ko ng mas malakas, maibabalik ko ba lahat? Had I cried openly would he... would we...

What if... there is a time machine? Or reincarnation is real? Would I have made him stay? Would we meet again? Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam kung anong formula kung pano manatili ang love. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit nagpe-fade 'yun. Relationships: Sawa to Awa. Kung may love potion lang malamang bestselling item 'yun.

Meron sa buhay natin na darating. Someone who can make our hearts beat faster. Your skins tingle when you touch. And we thought he will be Mr. Forever. Well, never naman akong humiling ng Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect. Eh, 'di sana tumaya na lang ako sa lotto non 'di ba? They were one in a million. O kung hindi man... None in a million. My cell phone is ringing. Binagalan ko 'yung pagda-drive.

"Hello?"

"Ako... ang iyong konsensya..."

I grit my teeth.

"CM."

He's laughing.

"Hey, where are you? Haven't you been with Roy? He told me you're not feeling well. Alam mo naman 'yung tao kung gano nag-aalala sa'yo. He loves you—"

I sigh. Napangiti ako. I feel a pang of uncertainty. "Yeah. Yeah. Didn't I already know that? I'm on my way to—"

"Tita! Where's my pasalubong?" I hear that from the other line. With rolled eyes. "Give the phone to Czarina."

"Tita Jeannie! Where's my PS{? My laptop and..." she keeps rambling. Halos mapaantanda ako sa gustong ipabili nito. Parang umo-order lang sa menu kung humiling. I chuckle drily. So like Jean... Somehow, I always envy my twin. Deep down... I know there's always something that kept me apart from her. And hearing her daughter's voice made me wish... that I were her.

Splitting hairs.

I am always splitting hairs. Unknowingly comparing myself to other people. First to Jean... then to Tricia. I bet you didn't guess how insecure I am. I am funny, yes, I laugh about that. I am beautiful, but of course, and I find someone more beautiful than I ever am.

Hindi niyo siguro napansin. Pero lagi akong humihiling na sana ako si ganito. Ako si ganyan.

I've never been contented in my whole life. Well, hell, sino ba?

I've always dreamed of something big. Kaya nga siguro deep down, I thought I could never live up to Julian's standard. I was a scared rat. Love is a very frightening thing.

Do you ever believe in destiny? Eh, 'yung tao ang gumagawa ng kapalaran niya? Tsk. Ang gulo ng mundo no? If you ended up together after so many endeavors. Wow, God must have pitied upon you. Congratulations! That started the word forever.

Pano kung mahal niyo ang isa't isa pero kahit anong gawin niyo... however you struggled with fate you still ended up... apart?

Well, better luck next time, next life.

Is happiness really elusive?

Hindi ko ginustong mag-asawa ng maaga pero hindi ko rin naman pinangarap na tumandang dalaga. I put down the flowers. I raise one brow. Meron ng bumisita dito? I hear a child's laughter from a distance. "Merry Christmas! Nagpaparamdam ka ba sa'kin baby JJ? Did you miss mommy?"