Splitting Hairs

Twenty Four

I stared at myself in the mirror. May nagbago ba? Nag-pose pa ako. Raised my hand then pouted my lips. Na-realize kong ang sagwa pala. Hindi pwedeng artista Jeannie. Artist yes. But not as an artist slash actress. I laughed silly at myself.

I know, I looked pale. Kinakabahan ako habang hinihintay ko ang result ng PT. CM even suggested we go to the OB. Pero ayoko. If ever na totoo man syempre 'yung tatay ng anak ko ang gusto kong kasama. I yanked my tee shirt up. It had been about a month and a half since that night.

Siguro magiging car racer anak ko 'paglaki. Why not? Sa kotse siya nabuo.

I giggled. Then I slowly peeked at it with one eye.

Plus sign. Positive?

"Malamang Jeannie, kelan ba naging negative ang plus sign?" Parang nababaliw na sabi ko sa sarili. Naiiyak na napaupo ako sa tiles. I wanted to cry and howl at the same time.

What now? Paano kung igiit pa rin ni Julian 'yung baby making contract namin? I was so stupid. Bakit ko pa kasi pinirmapirmahan. He changed. But he didn't tell anything about us being together forever. We weren't even married legally! Dahil nga null and void ang marriage contract namin.

So ano? Lalaking bastardo ang anak ko?

Hindi ko napansing umiiyak na pala ako. I hugged my knees to myself. 'Yung hikbi ko naging hagulgol na. God, what would happen to me? I couldn't just give my baby up. Anak ko ito eh. Pinaghirapan ko kaya ang paggawa dito.

Seriously, I was a bit disconcerted about mothers who left their children without a by-your-leave. Ano 'yun mga tuta? Basta na lang ipapamigay. Siguro may mga valid reasons sila. Well, I wasn't here to sit judgement on them. It was just that, it was difficult to carry extra pounds for nine months then you'd just... just... Argh.

"I already love you baby JJ." I smiled and caressed my stomach. Juliet Jean if ever the baby's a she. And Jean (pronounced as John) Julian if a he.

Tapos iyak na naman ako. Bakit ba ayaw tumigil ng mga luha ko? Parang gusto kong maglupasay.

Biglang bumukas ang pinto.

"We're going—" Nabitin ang pagsigaw nito.

I swore I wanted to curse Julian. Gusto ko siyang makita. Lalo akong naiyak. Pero naiinis din akong makita siya at the same time. Ano bang problema ko?

"What's wrong Jeannie?"

I saw concern in his eyes. Gosh, I might melt. Napakapit ako sa PT at mabilis na itinago sa likod ko. I wasn't so sure why I couldn't just tell him right away. Anong sasabihin ko, 'Oi, Julian buntis ako panagutan mo 'ko!' Baka sakalin ako nito ng wala sa oras.

I shook my head. Basang basa na ang mukha ko ng luha.

Tapos...

Oh, my God.

Tumulo 'yung sipon ko. Hindi ko sinadya 'yun no!

"Gross." Disgusted, he whispered. At mabilis inilayo ang mga braso kong nakataas sa kanya. Para akong batang nagpapabuhat. I pouted then tears readily pooled down my eyes. Napakasama talaga ng ugali nito.

He sighed. Naawa siguro sa 'kin at saka ako niyakap. Tapos pinipilit niyang nilalayo 'yung polo shirt niya sa 'kin. I gritted my teeth. Then I sniffed his shirt. He groaned. "Jeannie! What is wrong with you?"

Wala siyang choice. Niyakap ko siya. Then I sniffed again. Parang nangasim 'yung sikmura ko.

"Layuan mo 'ko!"

"What!"

"I said get away from me!"

"Excuse me?" He looked at me incredulously.